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Sunday, December 25, 2005  

Sunday 25 December 2005

MERRY CHRISTMAS!~

but hey, i aint celebrating christmas okay. mind you.

im just wishing to those who's celebrating it. =))

so, lets see, eleven more days to go.

to what?

oh, as you know, they say there's twelve days of christmas right? so today's the first, and we still have eleven more days to go.

hurhur.
cut the crap lahhhhh.


i did nothing today. sleep and watch tv. whole day long.

my life's a boring one. i know. you dont have to tell me that.

and its coz of the fucking 'histories' im facing right now. urgh.



actually, i wanted to apologize to Azyan for not returning her calls. she had been calling me a few times yesterday but i didnt answer. im sorry yeah? :p


Mom had accompanied me to see the doctor for my every-three-months-or-so check-up yesterday. the doctor said im okay, just that im too stressful. (and i know what and why and who makes me stress for now.) that's one.

she also said im having about less than 30% chances to be fully recovered. i can be recovered, but not totally recover, and somehow, it'll take years to recover.

and ive got to see the doctor every month from now on.

she prescribed me with pain killers and antibiotics only. oh come on, i dont want to keep depending on pain killers all the time of course, and yes, the antibiotics would only last for a month. that means ive got to go see the doctor every month to get my antiobiotics; changed, every now and then.

there's one question she asked me and i lied. of course, there's no way im going to tell her the truth.

uh. i must stop smoking now.

smoking had actually affected my life; and my health too. i dont want to be sick anymore. i want to get well. i want to be like my friends. they can live their lives to the fullest, without facing any medical history(ies). unlike like me. so, i shall quit smoking now.


i should be doing something. before its too late. shouldnt i?
:)


and the christmas eves' shoppings were really crazy.


i wanna move on with my life for now. i wanna leave whats left. there's no point if i keep thinking about the past. those sweet and unsweet memories between me and him.

i really have to wake up. he's nothing to me now, and im nothing to him anymore. we're over. and i guess, he must have forgotten about me now.

and i shall forget about him too. aight?

he doesnt care about me anymore. if he does, he must have gimme a call or at least, concern about the situation that im facing right now. but i know, he doesnt care about me. not a tiny lil bit. so why should i care about him?

he doesnt love me anymore. if he does, he shouldnt have left me. (i must say he DUMPED me. not LEFT.) if he does, he would have be here with me when i really need someone. if he does, he wouldnt have hurt me and shattered my fragile heart.

ah, he just doesnt love me actually!

perhaps, never.

i didnt know that he was just using me then.

eh hello, im not your paper doll lahhhhhhhh.

even if im a paper doll, im a paper doll that has feelings, and all the characteristics of what human beings (and ladies) should have.

im just another LIVING paper doll made by HIM.

not those sold at Pasar Malam. mind you.

he can lead a happy life with his loved one(s) unlike me. he doesnt feel lost, like me. he doesnt feel like an empty can, like me. he doesnt feel something which is very valuable's missing from his life, like me. oh, he's just doesnt feel like what im feeling right now, isnt he?

ah, go to hell lahhhhhhh.


i wanna be happy again. i wanna be like who i was used to be, before i got to know you.

i was a very cheerful, bubbly girl.

but heh, not anymore.

and i want to be like before. i want to forget the whole shyt outta him.

i just want to carry on with my life. my sucky fucky life.


and to him; im sorry that ive had actually wrote ALOT about you in here. you told me not to tell anybody about us right. but have you ever ponder how it feels like to be like me, to be in this stupid fucking position? have you? oh of coz NOT! coz right now, you're actually having ALOT of fun with the girls out there, dont you? ha-ha.

and this gonna be my last entry about him (i hope so) and that's my last message for my so-called dearessssssst MR. PERFECT.


i wanna start a new life all over again, with the New Year's coming in seven more days. i wanna turn over a new leaf.

but if ive got to turn back to the past, i'll definately do. honestly i say, i do miss him sometimes and i still do have some........................................ .

i shall not continue.


end of story about him. i shall stop thinking and typing about him in here.


and she liveS unhappily ever after.

the end.


 

a lie i didn't have to tell 10:37 PM

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