tell me, what's the point of having a relationship if ur own partner keeps secrets from u and never tell his/her own problems to u?
i thought having a partner is to ease ur burden. i mean besides all those facts lah, duh.
but what do i got?
getting hurt every night.
stupid. this is stupid. really. sighh.
i never want to tell him that i'm actually hurt by his attitude. the way he speaks to me etcetra. it's like, i'm nothing to him. what the fuck! what is the point of me being his girlfriend, huh? just for fun eh? just for his 'sex passion' eh? crazy.
i just don't want us to fight and start becoming like a bloody two idiots quarelling over something silly. i don't want to repeat the same history again. sighh.
but i feel so small. i feel like he never appreciates me. he treats me like i'm TOTALLY nothing to him. like i'm just a Statue of Liberty. fuck.
i understand we're busy through out the week. he has trainings, Night Study and stuffs. he needs rest. he needs time for schoolwork as schoolwork always comes first. plus, he's a lil' unwell right now.
and for me, i'm busy too. i have counsellings to go, workshops to attend, extra classes to stay behind, friends not to be neglected, enough rest to get my health back on the right path, schoolworks and revisions and studies to be done, family to get the support and encouragement from etcetra.
both of us are taking important exams this year. he's sitting for O's and i'm sitting for Streaming.
and just another matter, about his mother. fuck. i mean, fine, wells, i understand lah coz even my parents would have done the same thing as what his mother did. so yeah, i think this IS what actually happening in between us; not to get too 'rapat'.
but heck, we're in different schools right? how the hell are we able to get close with each other?
nak jumpa pun telah menjadi satu penyeksaan. and i think this week we're not meeting each other. fuck. he never knows how much i need him and i miss him.
i understand the whole bloody shit.
i just loathe that tone in his voice when he talks to me on the phone.
wells, i can sense something isn't right here. sighh.
oh please, it can't be that! no! it mustn't be! fuck fuck fuck.
i'm getting bored with my life now. so please don't get mad with me if any guys talk to me. sighhhh.
i just don't understand how couples are able to have long-term relationships. for example like Mom and Dad.
today's their 20th anniversary being together. wow. 20 years together and so much things had actually happened in this mid-life crisis family. haha.
i was thinking about getting them something special but wells, as you always know, i'm always need to be filled. hahaha.
and tomorrow in the afternoon, i need to attend a bloody BGR workshop. haiyahhhh.
school was boring today.
i had Ahmad Nazreen being my Science partner for this year. i don't know lah how i can 'tahan' with him. errr. keep the comments to urself. heeee.
i bloodyly need my seat to be changed in class! i can't stand that irritable bloody Irsyad. it has been two months we've been sitting together and always been crapping at the back of the class, not paying attention. this is bad. really. wah piang eh. he talks cork all the time lah. naik bingit akush. sighh.
i wonder what's gonna happen if Irsyad gonna read this entry about him. haha. nevermind. he also tattled something about me in his Friendster blog too. Friendster lagik! where ppl can publicly read the entries there. at least mine's needs password to enter. =)
i'm kinda proud of myself (honestly to say. haha.) when Cikgu announced to the class that my Surat Kiriman Tidak Rasmi (as well as twinnie Izzati) were great. haha. biase uh. kater twins per. share the same 'Ideas Cells'. lol.i got first in class for that. 18 out of 20. lol. lol.
i've been dreaming alot in school today. thinking about Secondary One's life, i seriously missed it. i missed him too. i still remembered him sending me home everyday after school, wiped my tears when i cried, was there when i needed someone and everything. all the good points and bad points.
and i thought about him liking Hidayu. i don't know. honestly, i AM jealous for i still.... nevermind. i don't need to continue this as it would just shatter my heart and shed my tears in the end. (not only me i think. someone else's also gonna be hurt.)
i don't want to end up crying tonight.
somehow this song; Gone So Young by Amber Pacific, really goes well with the feeling that i HAD for him. oh God, sometimes i wished i could get him back.
I prayed hard to God to get him back in my life.
enough. just enough.
and yes, today's swimming was cancelled. fuck it up.
okayys. tomorrow i gonna have Literature class test. guess i better read the novel again and finish up my assignments.
AMBER PACIFIC
I never dreamt it'd be this way
I wasn't prepared for what's to come
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
I never thought that this could go
...Who sat through nights
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
Tonight...
Wherever you go, I will be waiting
i'm in ur heart tonight.
hanisyra
April 12 1992
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This blog is just my own daily random thoughts and bitchings. I shall not held amenable for any emotional damages in occurence with any of the content in this blog. If you can't endure with it, then get off from this blog right away. Else, deal with it.
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