Sunday 7 May 2006
Friday was a blast.
here it goes...
i decided i won't going to alight at the school's bus stop that morning. i would alight only the stop after Checkpoint, and i know what i gonna do next. i had already thought about it. i found myself useless and pathetic. there's no point if i'd continue this useless life. i might as well die. that was almost my decision.
but i changed my mind at the very last minute. i finally alight at the school's bus stop. i was really weak that i could hardly walk. i had not eaten for almost a week already.
upon reaching school, the pains hit me again in the head and tummy. i endured the pains with silent cries. i thought about my life and my pains, and i cried. tears rolled down my cheek.
both my friends brought me to the Office and i didn't sit for my History Paper that morning. i spent an hour sleeping and crying in the Sick Bay while others were busy doing their papers.
i was already awoke when a guy came into the room and asked me. i had to follow him to the second level.
he was actually a school councillor.
he consoled me and everything, and i was forced to tell him what actually were bothering me till that i couldn't sit for my History paper that morning. i told him everything.
he'll see Dad tomorrow at 12 noon.
he went outside. when he came back to me, he said my Dad would want me to sit for the paper and so, i obeyed. i sat for the paper in the end.
i finished the paper in one hour. when i was about to leave the examination venue, a Malay subject teacher went up to me and had a chat with me. i felt so terharu. i cried as i told her almost everything. she's like my Mom at that moment. i felt great that actually somebody at least cared about me and my life. afterall, my life isn't that useless as i thought. she praised me an gave me some guidance. oh, i felt really terharu that i just wanted to hug her.
then, i was told to and see the doctor to get an MC. the school councillor gave me some money and went to clinic on myself.
i was kinda lucky that i got to the Emergency Doctor. the doctor said i had gastric flu and about my head, it's still the same thing. and i'm still having follow-ups at NUH.
and i bloodily missed my appointment with the neurologist at NUH last Thursday. Dad was really furious.
___
i don't know what exactly had actually happened between Faizal and me. he just couldn't care less about me. he had forgotten about me. he had left me. he's no longer the Faizal whom i used to know. he had changed alot ever since he played that bloody Truth Or Dare game with those bunch of idiots.
i was really in need that moment. i texted him, "I need you now. Pls." and a reply was, "nak ape?" OMG. is this the way that i got? i felt a lil hurtful.
then, he went on all shitty. he was obviously jealous that moment about something. but i don't know what it was. i kept asking him what wrong have i done to him till he reacted this way but he didn't bother to answer my questions. all that i got what HURT. being HURT.
i asked him if we could meet up that evening and he replied, "Leave me alone tonight."
when i asked him what wrong have i done to him, he kept replying, "Leave me alone."
i don't understand why and what had actually happened. he's just no longer the Faizal whom i used to know. the caring and loving guy.
so fine. i didn't talk to him. or see him. or text him. not anymore.
plus, my phone had already been confiscated by that bloody idiot.
i think The Promise between us had already over.
no more hope of getting back together.
and i am really really really hurt.
leave me alone.
RYAN CABRERA "True"
I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think i dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afarid to know the awnsers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps fallnig faster
Ive waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i wont hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life ive waiting
This is true
You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afarid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?
Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waited
This is true
I know when i go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true
Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waitied
This is true
