she stabbed herself to death.

2007-04-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

MOVED

http://hanisyra.blogspot.com

2007-03-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

ahhhhhh yay!!!!

i won't be using this blog anymore sweethearts and dearests.

i've moved.

did you get it?

I'VE MOVED LAH IDIOTS!

hahahahaa okayyy.

relink me babies; click here!

okay monkeys and donkeys. take care and have an awesome day ahead!!! <3333

2007-03-01T06:04:00.000+08:00

this week has been great to me. i'm okay back with Mia but not with Emily. i'm starting to hate her. she's like one freaking bitch. i don't care if you're gonna read this, Emily. i'm just stating the fact. in fact, you also bitch around about me. so yeah, as you've mentioned, revenge, right? haha, bitch.

well actually as you know me, i'm not exactly a type of person who like to take revenge on others. but not for this case coz that un-virgin-able bitch is getting on my nerve and she's like sooo fake.

all right enough about that.
and yeahhh, on the hand, i'm getting okay and okay with my classmates especially Farah and Aminah. yesterday we did some confessions during math class. how funny and touchy!

by the way, do you know what my english teacher commented about me (or maybe the entry that i wrote) in my journal? hahaha she wrote,

"You are a very mature girl. If everyone is going to be so well-mannered like you, Cindy, then our DM will be out of place. (="

so, hmm, what does that suppose to mean? is she being sarcastic to me or what? and haha, she even jotted down my name as CINDY! and there's a smiley emoticon by the end of the comment. hmmm... i ponder what she thinks of me.

well i know everybody thinks i'm an immature and childish, right Mia? hahaha!

anyways, starting from next week onwards, i'm going to upload a picture or two, and a funny story/event of someone's life by the end of the post so you guys won't be bored when reading my entries and hope you guys will have a good laugh.

stay tune! =D

shitty, i need to shampoo my hair now or i'll be late for school. and goddammit, it's raining outside. urgh!

take care, people! (= (= (=

xoxo,
hanisyra.

2007-02-25T13:26:00.000+08:00

as mentioned, i wanted this entry to be about that hot-and-gorgeous Rio but i think it's a bad idea. ah yes, i guess Fada must be green with me now since i have Rio's number! xD

practically i don't know what i want to tattletale about in this entry but people have been prompting me to update my blog. so let this post be a random one, okay.

so yeah, have i mentioned to you that i can't wait for O level to end? well yes, i simply can't wait because once O level's finished, i can fcukingly enjoy my life as i don't have to mug 24/7 for three months and i can work my ass off and earn some penny so i can buy clothes, more lip gloss, a new blackberry and a laptop.

i've made up my mind what i'm gonna do during the three months break. i've listed it all in a very long list, haha! actually i was thinking about going to junior college and further my studies in theatre studies and the fact that JC students have to sit for GP. ah, just how much i love current affairs and stuff! but thinking back, i'm not a person who is layak to get into junior college (i know what you're thinking when i mentioned about junior college, you don't have to tell me.). so i've made up mind to go to polytechnic because polys offer variety of choices which i can choose from and i think i'm gonna choose the nursing course and i've also listed down the 'pathways'.

i was itching for the N73 but thinking back, i don't think i need it as much as you-suckers-out-there. it's like, hello? you're only 14 and still schooling and why on earth do you need those kinda phones. it's not like you're running a business or working behind the desk. teenagers nowadays are really spoilt. tsk, i pity them.

so i think i'm just gonna stick to my 3-years-old phone till O level's finished (or maybe if Dad or Bro is kind enough to buy me a new phone or their pockets are 'jingling' with money). if not, i can't be bothered to get myself a new phone. i rather spend the money on clothes, bags and shoes (or maybe for the KL trip if i'm chosen but fat chance, i won't HAHA!).

as you know, i'm this person who can't tolerate dirty-messy place right. so yeah, i managed to lift up my fingers on the household chores, and yeah, i'm a good good daughter and sister. as i was cleaning up the shoe rack, i found this very classic yet a lil bit dusty black patent shoes. i scrutinized the label and found out it's an Etienne Aigner which cost 500 buckeroos. it looks a lil dusty and unpolished, so here i am, i think i've got to get off my hands from the keyboard and start polishing it.

but before that (i know i know you guys are happy this entry has come to an end but wait), i've got some pichas taken during the Chinese New Year celebration last week and to those who want their pichas but are not in this entry, kindly click on the hanisyra. enjoy! =D

i know, Rachel loves camwhoring, just like ME!

the rose among the thorns, as they say. ROFL!

my-every-day-late friend. HAHA!

my fairy. my JOY-celene.

my childhood friend since we're 7 years old!

my laughing monster.

the vice-chairmans of MSL RCY.

Sufi's second gay partner after Andika.

Mr Sophie!!!

they always say keep the best for last....

my all-time-favourite-lesbian-partner HAHA!

all right, that's all folks!
Have a great week ahead! (=

xoxo,
hanisyra.

P.S. i know i look like, i'm so tanned now. yeah, since the summer camp hurhur.

2007-02-15T19:25:00.000+08:00

they say, "never let your imagination run wild..."; and i was so wrong to judge it without knowing and horse-sense-ing it.

alright, so the summer camp was ultra super duper boisterous that i wish it'd be a 30-days 29-nights camp instead of 3-days 2-nights camp. i really canonize the instructors; Rio, Wayne, Shasha and Feeq. they're the most coolest and sexiest people i've ever met.

i was fcukingly enjoying myself to the mid-max (thou Mia and Emily and me are still having misunderstandings) and the fact that i'm getting closer and closer to Joycelene and Valerie. this camp, somehow somewhere, had taught me something right from the inside. i love the Night Walk and Sports Climbing (thou i know i was shrieking and screaming like nobody's business when doing the CRC) as well as Water Sports.

and goddammit, there's an eye candy at camp ROFL! he's soooo fcuking pretty and cute and gayish; hahahah!

the theme was Super Heros and my group was known as WonderWoman. ahhh, so sexayyy!

i was so heavy-hearted to part from the instructors that tears started to well up in my eyes during Self-Reflection/Debrief and on the bus.

Shasha; you're soooo sexay.

Rio; you're sooooo charming.

Wayne; you're soooo witty.

Feeq; you're soooo funny.

and together; you guys rock my underwear huahuahua!

i want another camp please, with the same instructors!!!

xoxo,

cindy.

2007-02-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

it's sad to think you have to part from your friends after being together for a long time. no more gossips, no more bubble teas in class, no more musics, no more story-tellings. oh, just how much i miss those intimate moments.

but i have to face the fact that i can never be in heaven for the rest of life. yes, life's been like a hell right now. so much of being a good friend.

it just suck so much to think that i had to transfer class for religious education. i was like crying in my heart to leave the class. however, i managed to quickly adapt the new environment with loving, cranky teachers. not really for the students. i still prefer my old class. well it just served me right for not attending RE for a month, heh.

i know, this week's gonna be a hell for me. i just hate it sooo much.

tomorrow's camp and i still haven't pack my bag yet. i'm not looking forward to it. i don't wanna go. i can't. i can't face them. i can't face the condition that i'm living in right now. how i wish i could be an imaginary person.

xoxo,
cindy.

2007-02-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

in life, there's always ups and downs. it's hard to run away from problems. problems come, problems go; and it will never end till the last breath. not exactly. coz i believe in karma and once you wake up from the karma, you gonna face the consequences of what you've done in earth. just yet another problem comes, and goes.

as you know, people tend to change as they grow. they might think maturely for themselves, but not all coz some might grow up becoming like a baby monkey (which is definitely ME).

part of it is physically but what about mentally? oh, sometimes i just hate myself for no reason. i can't deny it. i just can't help it. where did i go right?

sometimes life's just so beautiful that i feel like i'm in heaven, but sometimes it's worst than being in a rubbish dump and it's so freaking hot (and dirty) that i feel like i'm in the 7th layer of hell.

life's just so prosaic.

nevertheless i always look forward towards Saturday coz i can fcukingly enjoy myself with beautiful people around me who know how to appreciate other people and make my day. for instance, my dear Sharizan and Zulhelmi and Syamin and Mr Bakh.

just like how i enjoyed myself today. ((:

xoxo,
cindy.

2007-02-09T23:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday was Sungei Buloh Nature Reserve.
today was Singapore Science Centre.

it was super fantastic, all right.

there was this really cute hot looking guy at the reception. i went up to the reception counter, asked how to get to the park, gripping Sheila's left hand in my hand. honestly, i really have NO intention to flirt with him. however, erm nevermind i shall not say about it. all right, the guy may seem friendly and yes, flirty, but well i think he's that selenge-mat-rep type of person. and oh yes, he has that look of the singapore's first Singapore Idol. chet!

he's really hot, i must say, but i'll never going to fall for him. and omigod, he smiled flirtatiously at me when i was exiting the park by the main entrance LOL! siao siao.

might be wondering what souvenirs i have for myself...; ah, thanks alot, mosquitoes bites.

pictures will be uploaded after the camp.

action speaks louder than words, alright.
and picture depicts louder than tales (oh whatever!).

i swear, it's dry ice!

the back side of the giant crab. rofl.

Mary holding on (and stitching back) the penis of the big dummy.

babes on the rock. how cool is that, huh?

Mary, you oughta wear a shirt inside from now on coz i can see your brownish-pink nipples, whoa!

alright, just a few more days to summer camp. sigh. i'm not looking forward to it especially in this kind of condition. blergh!

xoxo,
cindy.

2007-02-06T16:46:00.000+08:00

i think it's really really bad to bitch about other people so i chose not to bitch about Theresa in this entry. (=

anyway, i'm feeling sooooooooo super happy. i'm happy as a lark. know why??? coz i FINALLY received my iPod from the Discipline Committee after 6 months separated from it. oh, i miss you soooo much, my dear iPod.

i was just thinking about getting an iPod Nano but nevermind. i've got dear iPod back already. (=

and oh, how much i love Mr Kamil (for showing me the White Magic in getting back my iPod) and Mr Tay (for remembering my iPod and nevertheless, ME!!!) but oh, so sad, i detest you-know-who (for shoo-ing me away into the General Office) uh-oh!

Physics test tomorrow! shytty!

and Roxy, coming your wayyyyyyyyyy!~

xoxo,
Cindy.

2007-02-02T06:30:00.000+08:00

MIA: i was captured by the Calkurlianailliayanations when i went there for i had to do this Eucalkarpallia project. HAHA!

alright, life's okay right now. there's always the ups and downs but nevertheless i'm still happy with what i've got and the people around me who appreciates me for who i am. unlike some uncivilised fcuking idiotic lunatics (you-know-who).

school's okay. yeah it's 6:30 am right now and i'm off to school in approximately 15 minutes time and i'm still in my pajamas (but i've bathed, no worries i won't smell like some freaking ppl haha!)! i'm so fcuking worried. i left my folder in the Art room. shyt how could i forgot man!!! there's so manyyyyy important documents in there and i left it there where the monsters will bla-bla-bla.

family? hmm loving them the most. mom and dad's 21st anniversary's on February 8. what's gonna be the best treat for them?.....

oh well i just can't stand that irritating, un-shut-up-table brother. nevermind, two more months and he's gone. tsk tsk.

some people huh... tsk i really pity them. they're just soooo uncivilised and have got no manners and never know how to appreciate people who have done good deeds to them. like who? well some cheap sluts like Theresa, Felicia, Angeline and Lucy. (it's my OWN fcuking blog so i can bitch about whatever things i would like to bitch about. fcuk off if you can't tolerate, alright idiots?)

well i simply detest Theresa the most. she's the most WANTED cheap slut in the school. her breasts weren't fully developed yet but had done sex at the age of 11 and have slept with more than 3 guys to date. now her breasts look quite full out of the blue. guess she stuffs tissues and sponges in her bra so as to attract more guys. and have i mentioned she walk like a duck and even talk like a duck? haha yes. i wonder if she's been practising Black Magic coz she isn't really that pretty (that capable to capture almost ALL the boys' attention in school) with acne spread all over her face. eeew!

hmmm you must be pondering why i'm bitching sooo much about that cheap slut Theresa right? well stay tune to my next entry! (=

uh-oh. Valentine's Day's cominggggg! shytness!
a mission to accomplish, ehem! (= (= (=

xoxo,
Cindy.

2007-01-18T20:45:00.000+08:00

i have a girlfriend already.
i love my girlfriend soooo much.

well to tell you the truth, i'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is. (=

xoxo,
Cindy.

2007-01-13T17:08:00.000+08:00

"she's intelligent."
"she's a malay."
"she talks like a bullet train."

HAHAHAHA!

an eye candy in the class, whoa! xD

2006-12-26T19:46:00.000+08:00

Ricky asked me did i receive my CyberShot phone from Mr Santa and i said No.
i told him that probably Mr Santa was mad with me that he didn't want to grant my wish but Ricky said it was because i've been such a naughty girl and i am on the naughty list so that was why i didn't get my CyberShot phone from Mr Santa. )=

someone, please? get me the phone. please. pretty please....! i'm willing to do anything just for you if only you grant this very special wish of mine. angels, faries please?

a Chinese boyfriend? hmmmmm.

2006-12-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

it's 2 hours 50 minutes to Christmas and so i would like to make my wish now.

a note to Mr Santa;

Dear Santa,

i really hope you would grant me a wish. i would like to have a new mobile phone with a mega big memory space that comes with MP3 and MP4 and a camera which when you snap a picha, it's gonna be super flawless. Just like this one;

yes Santa, it's the Sony Ericsson CyberShot K800. i really need a new phone. thank you. (=

i think i had a wonderful time last night with the monkeys. we did our eleventh hour Christmas shopping from 3am to 12.30pm. we went to so many different places and had a fab time hanging out at Boat Quay.

okay i think i'd like to do some online shopping now and bake some cakes later.

Merry Christmas everyone! (=

2006-12-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

i've been controlling my emotions all this while, don't you know that?

i've been doing whatever you asked me to.

but why do you always have to take advantage on me?

it's just a tiny lil problem and yet you're making a big deal out of it.

you didn't want to talk to me anymore.

you're making me like as if i don't exist at all.

yeah right, you talk cock la.

have you ever grant every of my wishes?

no right?

so don't talk big la!

i didn't want to hurt you.

but you're just tooo much.

do you know that when i didn't get to see you the whole day either when i come home late from school or you have already gone out to work, i cry to myself?

do you know that i cry every night when i think of you?

do you know how much i love you?

do you know how much i miss you?

do you know that i never want to lose you in my life?

i feel really grateful to God that i have you in my life.

but why do you always have to hurt me?

why me?

if you hate me, tell me.

you don't have to insult me right!

who am i to you???

and do you know, i'm already at my lowest point and yet you're doing this to me?

damnnn. i'm fcukingly pissed off.

_____________________________________________________________

i'm missing my Princess very much right now.

okay yes i know, i think he's not really my princess anymore.

but whatever.

i just can't be bothered anymore la.

i'm pasrah already okay.

happy now you morons out there???!

he left Singapore for Batam this morning for the soccer trip.

i hope he would enjoy himself to the max.

i hope he would take good care of himself too.

all the best Princess.

love you lots (though i know i am nothing to you anymore.)

anyways, yes i know, there's a class BBQ right now and i'm still sitting in front of the LCD screen typing all this scrapy shit.

i'm sorry i broke my promise.

i know i told everyone that i'm going but please, gimme a break can?

i'm feeling so sick inside.

i don't wish to talk about it.

and Valerie, don't worry i still remember about our promises.

actually i wanted to tell him during the class BBQ.

but damn, i'm not coming.

sorry.

but not to worry, there's always some other day right?

yes, i will tell him next year okay?

much much cheers! (=

love you lots Val!

<333

and haha, some well-known composers from KL came to my house this morning to ton for awhile.

one of them slept in MY room!

next to me! xD

hahahahha.

of coz NOT la you idiots!

later Princess cry la (i know he can't be bothered about this also).

haha okay whatever.

so random.

sooooo sickening la.

dammit!

2006-12-21T13:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my most happiest and saddest day.

but i don't wish to talk about it.

i just hope we would last till eternity.

and damn la, i fell badly and hit the exercise thingy at the hallway this morning just to elakkan the lizard on my foot. damn that lizard. hmpf!

xoxo,

Cindy.

2006-12-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

three families and a penthouse = perfect!

from a poorhouse to a penthouse.

it has a beautiful scenery from inside (and outside) the house and house itself is damn BEAUTIFUL, i tell you!

" i just love my house la!"

when cousins meet one another...

oh yes! my partner in crime!!! =P

just another family gathering at Papa's new house. the house is really nice la i tell you! it's really spacious that you can even play tennis in the house (haa my lil cousins did that and got warned by ME lol!). what i like best about the house was the den or maybe you called it 'cozy corner' which is situated at the second storey. and yeahhhhh, the TEEVEE!!!!

the cost of the house is half (or maybe the SAME) the cost of a five-room flat in Singapore i tell you! so isn't it worth it? LOL!

say, in two years time i think? hmmmm....

okay, let's pack!

2006-12-15T04:16:00.000+08:00

this is what happens when boredom (and curiosity) strikes...

924*****: Hey may i know who you are? Mind introducing yourself? (=

919*****: May i noe who r u n where u got my num frm..

924*****: Eh walao i asked you first right Not fair sia like tis Haha i'm not very sure myself la but i found your number in my contact list So your name please? (=

919*****: My name nathan, u?

924*****: Cindy. Are you serious your name's Nathan? Erm nvm so what school are you from and your age? (= and your race is...?

919*****: Im nt schling im divorced and age 30.. i tink we should stop msging, i dun noe u and i dun wanna waste my bill.. ok gd nite bye2..

924*****: Wait wait what abt Zul and erm tis guy named Zul who used to be schooling in ITE Pasir Pnjng two years ago and he was only in early 20s? Are you kidding wimme?

919*****: Eh bleh stop ur jokes tk, ni sape ni, tk klakar ah.. Aku nk tdo korang paham tk.. Bsk aku kena bgn pagi..

and i nearly died laughing! hahahahahahaha!

Point #1: If you're sleeping, why did have to call me back after I called you with a ring only? Meaning you're awake!

Point #2: Never tell lies!!!!

Point #3: Now now... who's the one who's trying to make jokes? LOL!

Point #4: And this number starting from '919' is NOT a bill number! LOL LOL!

itulah... nak tipu dengan si penipu! huahuahua!

xoxo,

Cindy.

2006-12-13T23:11:00.000+08:00

it's raining cats and dogs outside and this poor lil cat has got no place to beradu...

and Musa's old smelly sandals became its sasaran. LOL.

and it's really funny when Mom tried to shoo it away. She talked to the cat as though the cat would understand what rubbish she was saying.

xoxo,

Suraya Hani.

2006-12-10T22:48:00.000+08:00

It's very addictive, isn't it?

Omg omg omg!
Can you believe this? She looked totally different in this photo that I couldn't even regconize her. Lol. =P

`photo edited by Sharizan.

who?

Hani lah idiots!

if Cinderella lost her shoe, what about me?

hmm, a wet G-String? Maybe. =)

siao!

xoxo,

Cindy.

2006-12-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

Hello books!

Goodbye Internet!

So there it goes, I think it's finally the time for me to mug till school reopens. I've totally forgotten my Alphabets, like, what's the letter after L? Yeah.

New syllabus for almost every book. Like damn, I've got a few free second-hand books which had been turun-temurun from Musa to Ain to Akmal and finally; me. But those books won't make me feel like, bersemangat to mug with all those conteng sana, conteng sini.

And oh, I so love my Food Interaction textbook (and Maths, Social Studies and Literature!) lah. Very the colourful tau awak!

Okay, I think tonight I'm gonna clean up my super duper messy-messy room so I can start mugging tomorrow! I have no idea why I'm so happy to mug (when people hate it. Lol.).

Oh damn!!!! I forgot I still haven't touch on my holiday assignments and I have no idea where they are. I think I dah termasukkannya ke dalam the green Recycle Bag which are sent to your house every two weeks! Damn damn!

How now?

Tsk.

xoxo,

Suraya Hani.

2006-12-06T20:56:00.000+08:00

I never think I would fall in love with her, but yes, I've already fell for her.
Though all this time we had never really chatted much and what's more to say, going out together, but yeah I had a wonderful time with her yesterday.

Arab Street (and all the streets there).
Bugis Junction.
Bugis Street.

We really shop till we drop.
And I think I'm very good at bargaining (and I really envy you, Sharizan for getting such a nice bag. Should really thank me for bargaining for you. Heh. Lol! )

I think Sharizan regretted going out with me. hurhur.

yeah, I was walking all around Bugis in slippers.
stupid damn C & K heels lah.

the Ladies's really nice lah, I tell you.

yes, it's the Christmas tree by Sookee Jewellery.

I don't understand what's so special about the tree that everyone 'berkerumun' around it.

And oh, speaking of Christmas, soon there'll be 'Wishlist' on this blog.

So what you're waiting for, get those stuff for me lah!!! =P

xoxo,

Suraya Hani.

2006-12-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

I'm one very proud girlfriend. (=

know why?
coz he scored 3 goals!!!

and for who?
for ME lah!

dar dar, i really hope you'll be selected for the Home United thingy. I'm sure you'd be selected.
if not the Home United, then it'll be the SAF thingy. one day, for sure, I'll come down and support you all the wayyyyyyyyy~

anyways...

a very very very BIG CONGRATULATIONS to;

Kak Julianawarti from Screenbox and Abang Hadi from BH!!!

and....

Miss Haslinah from Qihua Primary and her erm, fiance? !!!

people around me are all getting married or married already.

what about me?

heh, nevermind.

January 25 2007 yeah babehhh!

xoxo,

Cindy.

2006-12-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

Oh urgh, it's coming back again.
I trust my instinct more than anything else.
What if what she said is true?
How am I going to deal with it?
How am I going to tell him when I'm so afraid of losing him?

Anyway he won't understand tiny lil bit of it.
So nevermind.

And I'm going to cherish the happy moments with him as much as I could.

xoxo,
Suraya Hani.

2006-12-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

you think you can break us up?

think carefully before you act laaa deyyy.

sial nye nabei.

you've got your own boyfriend what.

go suck his cock laaa.

wa lao.

why mine sia?

I did nothing wrong to you sia.

pukimakkau sial.

eh bastard, if you don't like me, say lah, walao.

don't talk behind my back lah sial.

I don't start fights.

I end fights. (right, Shai?)

chibai fucker nabei.

kau tak happy dgn aku,

ko settle dgn aku lah sial.

tak payah nak sebok2 dgn matair aku kan sial.

buto lah kau.

part of a dramatic situation.

xoxo,

Cindy.

P.S. Where's my SHANIFAZYAN? c'mon, we've got a battle to end. you guys remember that bullshit idiotic girl who tried to break me and *****? haha, yeah that damn girl has returned like fcuk man.

2006-11-30T19:34:00.000+08:00

we're mean and evil.

we're partners in crime.

right, Azyan? (=

OMG! imagine when he's trying to call you and got thru into a Pest Control line.

what's your next line gonna be?

Phone rings.

Aaron: Hello?.. Hello..? (quizzical that something's amiss.)

Pest Control: Good evening, Sir? How can I help you?

Aaron: May I talk to Rachel please?

Pest Control: Oh, you're looking for rats to go away issit? What's your postal address, Sir? We'll come right away.

Aaron: What the fuck your boobs assholes! I'm looking for Rachel, not rats, you bloody fucker dumbass! (he banged the phone back into the receiver and cried his heart out.)

Pest Control: Who's the idiot one now, asshole?

I've gotta admit it's really crap but that's what gonna happen if he's calling her. LOL!

xoxo,

Suraya Hani (and her partner in crime, Azyan.)

2006-11-29T16:46:00.000+08:00

the toilet bowl and the wall have been my bestfriends for the past few days.

I think I like it.

no, I don't.

coz it's disgusting.

you'd get it??

and Baby, I love you more than anything else. <3

xoxo,

Suraya Hani.

2006-11-28T18:49:00.000+08:00

I'm a very happy, happy person; living in a happy, happy world; surrounded with happy, happy people; unofficially married to a happy, happy hubby.

what else, huh?

this morning, Princess was being so proud and honoured that someone praised him CUTE.
now, it's my turn to feel proud and honoured that someone praised me SWEET and BEAUTIFUL.

know why?
coz this very happy, happy girl has been mentioning my name in her blog.
right, Teeya?

there, if you don't believe me.

we've been friends for nine months (ready enough to be in the maternity ward) and we've lost contact eversince then.
thanks to God, He made us meet each other back again.

where and how?
of course, the Obor journalism camp la!!

so Teeya, let's plan!
after O's we start working with BH and meet those happy, happy fellows there kay?

and Teeya, don't be flabbergasted if someone runs into you on the street and hug you tightly, kay?
haha.

love ya, Teeya!

sorry Teeya, i know we looked so slenger then but this is the only photo that i have of you.

P.S. Princess, I've got our photo developed already!!! OMG! you looked sooooo charming la! and err, who's that girl beside you? she looks beautiful! haha!

xoxo,

Suraya Hani.

2006-11-26T22:52:00.000+08:00

Sunday 26 November 2006

right, the Obor family are very much enjoying themselves at the UCC, watching m-pact's concert while I'm having this super great PJ party with Cindy. *rolls eyes*

wait, is this a child's play or what?

a reality or a fantasy?

xoxo,

Hani.

2006-11-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

Saturday 25 November 2006

I had this bloody interview with this bloody reporter and this bloody reporter kept asking bloody questions that made my bloody blood boiled like bloody hell. Here was how it bloodily goes...

Q: I heard you've changed your name. So why do you change your name?

A: Oh it's because I'm unofficially married to Princess Faris.

Q: Is Princess Faris a male or female?

A: Whaddya think??? *in a bimbotic way*

Q: How was all these stuff came about?

A: Well actually Faris is a Princess and I'm Cinderella. So Princess thought Cinderella's a long name. So there, Princess calls me 'Cindy' in short term. Isn't that a nice name?

Q: Err... Maybe. Right, and what about 'McAdams'?

A: Oh well that's turun termurun from my datuk nenek moyangku.

Q: So what Princess Faris and errr... Cindy McAdams do for a living?

A: Masturbating and SEX!!! Wow!~

To be continued...

oh, bullshit.

xoxo,

Cindy.

2006-11-24T01:13:00.000+08:00

Friday 24 November 2006

Hani told me she was extremely excited to meet her beloved long-lost Obor family the last four days during the Obor Journalism Camp at SPH Building.

she was sooo excited that she had forgotten her responsibility as a participant (instead of helper. yeah, she wanted to be the helper.), a team mate and a student. though she tried her best to get 'connected' easily with her schoolmates, she just thought that she didn't belong to them. she felt very uneasy and unhappy about them. the way they treated her and so on. she wanted to help but they didn't seem to need her help and they didn't even appreciate her. i felt sorry for Hani though.

and she was being critisized badly for her super-damn-short miniskirt. haha, pity you lah, Hani. tsk tsk.

well back to the bright side; she said the First season camp was a lot more fun and interesting than the Second one. here was how it goes....

DAY 1

just look at how young, talented and sporting they are.
Kak Suryani cute and Abg Farid handsome!!!

and... our beloved corresponden, Kak Haryani!

our very own Scooby Doooooooo!
she looks just like Scooby, right?

Hani said they had her school name printed incorrectly.
it was supposed to be Sek Mgh St Margarets though. (=

this camp had also contributed to Hani in searching her long-lost friends; Zakiyah from Cedar Girls and Shafiqah from Crescent Girls. (=

DAY 2
lectures make people sleeping. right, and Hani captured a few pictures of some peeps who were lying on their friends' shoulders in a lesbian way, yawning and many many funny stuffs. somehow, Hani wouldn't want me to upload them here coz it won't be nice to publish their funny pictures in the public.

Hani went hiding behind the bushes and captured somebody's sexayyyy legs.

no, it's not bungee jumping. right, look at their faces. hah!
and err, whose peace-fingers above Abg Norman's head?

yeah, the a capella band from US hit our press conference on the second day.

yes, it's the m-pact!

Hani was almost about to melt when they wrapped their arms around her.
there were many other photos with the celebs but her face turned out to be ugly. sorry Hani...

oh, how adorable!
ada mirip Princess tak? teehee!

DAY 3

Hani and her schoolmates were just a bunch of lazy bums. they had their teachers to do the reports for them. heh.

just look at how bersahaja and relax he was at the press conference on the third day.
i think he never shaved his legs before. (=

yes lah, it's the Singapore's MTV vJ, Colby Miller.
ohhhhhh, Hani said he has a very sharp laser mouth and he hates HILARY DUFF. damnit.

look at their skin complexions(sp?). different, right?
yes, Hani with that smart ass guy from ACSI.
she told me alot about him. tsk tsk.

Hani mentioned that she feels damai always whenever she's with this girl.
know why?
coz that girl comes from Damai Sec!
okay, lmao!

Hani's beloved Obor family. much much love.

Hani really misses this sweet cute lil' girl, Syaza.
very much like her godsister, Nilam, just that Syaza is alot more smarter and speaks English fluently. (she has the flow! really. thou she's only 7 years old!)
P.S. Syaza, Kak Hani wants you to call her mobile phone everyday okay! (=

no no no. they didn't go back home with tangan kosong. everyone received a framed certificate that certified they're officially the young journalistst;

and yeah, she received a poster specially autographed by Hady Mirza and Moby's latest album!!

how did she get them?

well, she screamed the answer during a quiz session at the top of the lungs. (=

right, Hani's been specially invited to m-pact's concert on 26 Nov 06, 7.30pm at UCC.

somehow, it's clashed with MY PJ party laaaaaa.

Hani said boys can never be trusted.

BOYS = LIARS

period.

2006-11-20T02:51:00.000+08:00

Monday 20 November 2006

with the team, we went driving around one of the haunted places in Singapore, Changi, almost midnight. it wasn't eerie at all. nope, not at all. it's fun!

Changi prisons.

Changi drug rehabilitation centres.

Changi Chapel & Museum. (agaaaaaaain! sigh...)

Changi airport.

Changi airplanes' repair sheds.

Changi hangars.

Changi chalets.

Changi beach.

Changi Food Centre (I think. I only remembered it's a makan place. heee!).

Old Changi Hospital.

old Changi roads (that used to be the 'habitat' of "die tuuuu").

well, just name it. we went practically everywhere around Changi.

one day, for sure, I will be going to enter that OCH on bright Thursday night at midnight.

sure fun nyerrrr. feel free to join! (=

and you know, ghosts and "die tuuuu" nowadays are very, very highly educated.

they could press the button to call a cab at night to 'fetch' them from one of the Changi prisons. pandai eh dorang? (=

okay, I'd better sleep now for I've got to attend the journalist camp tomorrow at SPH Building AGAIN! yay ness! can meet my beloved Obor friends!

2006-11-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

Saturday 18 November 2006

I think getting into the English Literature elective subject is a BIG MAJOR MISTAKE.

History; definitely NO!

Geography; Perhaps?

oh don't think about it already. it's too late. the appeal had already been terminated.

well, guess I just got to deal and get a hang of it.

yes yes I've signed up for it!

is anybody taking it at SLSS?

inform me!!!

especially you, Sharifah Raihanah!!! (=

good day everybody! (=

2006-11-16T02:57:00.000+08:00

Thursday 16 November 2006

it's so breezing here.

oh, how much i love this place.

i wanna be here forever.

oh, how i miss Didy soooo much.

fantasizing as i lay sleeping his arms.

ooooooooooh lalaaaaaaa!~

2006-11-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 15 November 2006

aren't you aware that people are against you?

people are bitching about you behind your back.

people are calling you braggy.

people thought you're suffering from a major mental illness

which you ought, or perhaps, to be sent to IMH.

still, are you aware of it?

you're a bloody hypocrite who masquerade to be a lil cute angel when you're aren't.

stop pretending and hold grudges lah.

you're bloodily hated by EVERYONE.

sorry if I suck,

sorry if I irritate you,

sorry what the fuck,

read my lips - I DAMN HATE YOU!

2006-11-14T14:14:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 14 November 2006

urgh. it's here again.

i can't tolerate it anymore.

get off.

get off lah BUGGER!

shoo!~

2006-11-10T18:29:00.000+08:00

Saturday 10 November 2006

you ruin my life.

i will haunt on you.

i hope you face a horrible death.

and rot in hell.

you can control me but never my soul.

i'll never forgive you.

2006-11-03T14:55:00.000+08:00

Friday 3 November 2006

A Crown of Victory

"I got a phone call from a pageant director, and I told her she had the wrong girl," she said.

"I'm not a pageant girl. I don't parade around. I don't tease my hair. I'm just a wash-and-go girl. But she told me there was a $2,000 scholarship. So I said, 'Sign me up.'"

she never imagined;

gliding down the aisle gracefully,

having her bikini waxed,

having her hair disentangled,

wearing a bathing suit and fancy gown,

with a new power of waving feminism

and danced like a wave in the ocean.

she was called upon the Top 2,

and when her name was called,

she cried like it was hot and waved,

she kept saying 'World Peace',

she went up receiving the bouquet of flowers,

a sash placed around her body,

a crown made of tiaras raised up high on her head,

people giving cries and waves and wishing her best of luck.

she thought she it was a dream,

just another fantasy world she's living in.

and one of the most envious judges said, "I know there were some girls who came away with very negative attitudes," she said. "Those were the girls who had more of a fake attitude. Behind your back, you knew they were saying mean things."

and she's the Miss Teen Singapore!

From sea to shining sea,

like lady liberty,

she reigns over all she see's.

she's beauty and she's grace

she's queen of fifty states

she has elegance and taste

she's miss united states

hold your crown up high

raise it to the sky

hold your crown up high...!

-William Shatner, Miss United States

and i caught Sally stuffing her breast!

the past Miss World.

and and and... I won the Miss Most Photogenic!!!

2006-10-30T16:45:00.000+08:00

Monday 30 October 2006

oh man, i'm getting really sick with this stupid Blogger. ouhkay, whatever.

i miss him.

i really miss him.

i miss turning around, looking at his cute face.

i miss turning around, talking to him.

i miss his lame corny jokes.

i miss his smiles.

i miss his laughter.

i miss his observence about me.

i miss everything about him.

it won't be the same without him.

how i wish i could be with him everywhere he goes.

and it saddens me to think he's gone.

it's just too late.

there won't be any chance for me to say,

to say that I LOVE YOU,

to say that I MISS YOU.

i know who i am.

i'm not the type of girl he would want.

but i'll cherish the moments with him if i would've the chance,

i need you in my life, Didy.

2006-10-20T14:04:00.000+08:00

Friday 20 October 2006

some kids are just in-sane.

No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
eh..lupa nk tnye...
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
u dh mandi ke blum ni....?????!!!!
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
ya Allah of all questions tanye dah mandi ke blum.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
diam lah.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
im not going to answer ur question yg tak masok di akal.

No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
hahahahaaha
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
kekek seh u ni
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
eh diam uh.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
sape suruh ketawe.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
diam diam.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
shhhh.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
jgn blg saper2 kayyy.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
diam2 tau.
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
shhh...okae...

and the time then was 1.30pm.

rabak eh?

no wonder i smell something... horrible?

tsk tsk.

anak saper jer lah nie.

my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
so, what u planning to do since N lvl dah bes?
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
mayb mlm ni...
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
nk main bunga api..
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
nk join..
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
my friend..hazman ajak
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
ya Allah/
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
main bunga api. mcm bdk kecik betol.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
takper. next week i main mercun lah.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
tak heran.
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
main rocket lah
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
ade eh?
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
okay set.
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
u nk tk
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
bole jer lah.
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
asal, u ade?
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
kite ada bunga api...then kite uat rocket ah
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
macam mane tuh?
No matter how i fight it,can't deny it Just can't let u go.. says:
kite pkai tape ngan cardboard
my memories you live, the love that i give. says:
wahhh. style lah tuh.

see, some kids are just borned in-sane.

LOL.

2006-10-20T13:15:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 18 October 2006

some people really need their asses to be kicked by me.

damnit.

i hate them.

who do they think they are?

playing around with words.

you think this heart is made from paper, eh?

oh bullshit.

i hate to say this but i damn hate your fairytales.

bragging about your wonderful boyfriend.

so, what?

like as if i don't have one.

well, i just seem to hate boy-girl relationships.

to me, they suck.

really.

what's the use of being in a relationship?

you love your lover so much and you got hurt in the end.

it's like a stupid cycle, isn't it?

then it's hard for you to move on with your life.

oh, craps.

damnit.

i hate them.

i wish i'm not in that damn club.

i don't want to be part of it actually.

but God knows everything.

i was in that stupid club by ACCIDENT.

get it?

not that i want it.

sigh.

pathetic.

so now i have to think of a way to get out from that damn club.

2006-10-14T16:40:00.000+08:00

Saturday 14 October 2006

it's a shame that i have not been updating my dear blog. hmph.

oh wells, been busy. as usual.

so yeah, definitely i'm going to the second-last class or the last class next year. i failed my Science really badly and perhaps, this is my first time failing Science. tsk tsk.

for English Language and English Literature, it was just borderline. sigh.

i am so disappointed with myself.

2006-08-18T19:32:00.000+08:00

Friday 18 August 2006

wow, a big surprise that i have not been updating my blog for like what, a month? well, i'm just so assiduous with school and admin stuff. there's alot of happenings that happened in my life when i didn't update my blog. like for example, my MP3 and mobile phone were being confiscated by the school.

yes, my MP3 and mobile phone were being confiscated by the DM and RC Ma'am.
i can only get back my MP3 if i pass my Maths by 60% and my mobile phone after the September holidays.

oh anyways people, i've changed my number. please take note. i may not be using the old number anymore. here's my new number; 92444984

on 22nd of July, i had a residential camp at RC campsite till the next day. it was the Outdoor Activities (OA) Silver. it was tiring. i didn't get the knots and lashings part. i love the outdoor cooking but i hate the map reading. we got to sleep in tents. (honestly, i had never slept in a tent before. heee.) i slept so soundly coz i was really exhausted and plus, we would be going to hike the next day at Pulau Ubin.

a great experience hiking at Pulau Ubin. i had never been there before. so that was my first time going there. i didn't really enjoyed the last part of the hiking when my idiotic brother told the annoying dad that i was at Pulau Ubin. well, yes, i didn't inform the parents that i was going there so my annoying dad was making a big fuss out of it. it was a total mess. i ended up crying all the way back to Changi Beach. my eyes were so swollen. even having swollen and puffy eyes, i could still smiled for the camera. heee.

we were the second team that spotted the BLUE MONSTER; COOKIE MONSTER!
spot me.

after the hiking. we were at Changi Beach with the Sirs and Ma'ams.

farewell bids at RC HQ.

i was like woebegone when it was nearing NDP. i could still remember the time we spent together during NDP Observance at school in 2005. all those sweet memories are still fresh in my mind. how i wished it could turn to be the same like last year where we sneaked out during the inter-house game and concert and went to the third level at the G block where no one was there and snogging away.

i saw him in his NPCC uniform. he looked so charming but i know, i have to wake up from my dreams and berpijak pada bumi nyata. i should forget him and hate him. that's it.

the NDP was okay. i was chosen (and i did volunteer myself) to go up to the 'stage' at the central square to dance. i was like so happy. i know, people were laughing at me as i was the laughing stalk of the day. i was dancing like crazy in my RC uniform. a Secondary Four guy who is also a Band member just critisized me in his testimonial for me at Friendster.

c'mon people, NDP is like what, once a year right? we ought to celebrate it to the fullest. and it's my own damn self. suka hati aku lah apa aka nak buat. apa hak dia nak halang aku. who cares?
mind you that bloody monster. i hope you rot in hell.

spot me if you can.

i looked horrible, i know. i love darling Ain! muacks.

Huda and me after school at WDL Regional Library.

tomorrow i'll be having Flag Day at Evergreen Secondary School and i don't know where we are supposed to go. idiot lah taknak bilang sekarang. after Flag Day, i'll be going to the pre-marital sex campaign at the open-field next to Causeway Point. the campaign of Lebih Seksi Katakan Tidak which i was involved as a pregnant student.

so people, do come down tomorrow for the pre-marital sex campaign; LEBIH SEKSI KATAKAN TIDAK. it's from 2pm to 4pm at the open field next to Causeway Point.

see you there!

don't bleach my love.

2006-07-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

Thursday 20 July 2006

today was Racial Harmony Day celebration. i wore a blue colour cheongsam. i think i look great. anyways, thanks alot to Joycelene for lending me her cheongsam and Fathienah for braiding my hair early in the morning. it's nice!

isn't she sweet?

i love the braid. thanks to Fathienah!

after school ended, Huda, Syahirah and me went to Pizza Hut for Huda's birthday treat. we had such a great lovely time together. i really love my girls. they're wonderful. too wonderful. i love them more than i love the idiotic minahs kentalan asshole (Shaqilah, Ain, Anisah).

from this...

to this. haha. licin habis sak.

i was so damn full that i really looked like i'm pregnant. seriously. my tummy grew an inch. LOL.

we left Pizza Hut and headed to Timezone. it was picture time! we took neoprint. i love it.

the sweet ladies. ehem! heart them.

tomorrow no school. yay yay! but i will need to go for Outdoor Activities (Silver) Camp this weekend at RC Campsite and had to go with that bloody idiotic kentalan minah Shaqilah. well, i think i will just go there by myself and i won't bother to inform her any details about the camp. pandai-pandai anak tu lah.

yesterday had a Screenbox's re-shoot again at Theme Photography. only Dimas and me. it was damn difficult for me to have a good facial expression. i just couldn't focus on the photoshoot. i can't even focus on my careers anymore coz of him. sigh.

the Screenbox people and us.

after the photoshoot, Dimas and me went to Banquet to have our dinner. i ordered a plate of noodle which costs only $3. i gave the cashier $5 and she gave me back $5 and $2. i just took it and quickly went away. haha. the cashier was stupid. LOL.

NAPFA Test has just ended. i think i'm going to fail my NAPFA Test or maybe i'll just get bronze. sigh. here's my results:

Sit Up: 41

Standing Broad Jump: 178

Sit & Reach: 36

Incline Pull-up: 17

Shuttle Run: 10.9s

2.4km run: i got 23rd position in the whole Express level.

very bad, right?

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li

ni ai de na ge tian shi...

I'm willing to be, in the fairytale

The angel that you love...

2006-07-15T20:12:00.000+08:00

Saturday 15 July 2006

today, i proved everyone's wrong, especially my RC Ma'am.

yesterday early in the morning, Ma'am called me. she scolded me for not attending RC since school had begun and i missed alot of lessons on SFA. SFA is an acronym for Standard First Aid. i had the exam this morning at the RC HQ. she showed me a dirty look like she's trying to tell me that i would definitely fail this exam badly. whatever kays.

but i do have valid reasons why i didn't attend RC. i had to go to hospital several times and there were lotsa learning journeys/excursions that i had to go. she didn't believe me. she said i had an ATTITUDE PROBLEM. WTF!

i attended the last SFA lesson yesterday afternoon and went back home and sleep till this morning when Izyan called me. i didn't bother to study as i knew that i gonna fail for this exam. i only studied in the MRT on the way to Dhoby Ghaut from Woodlands.

and you know what? i PASSED the theory and practical and i can obtain the First Aid IC already. i really couldn't believe myself. well, i really thank God for His help.

those people/seniors who were so confident that they gonna pass, failed. many left the room with tears welling up in their eyes. i still remembered i hugged Ain. i really pity her. she failed only by a mark. but nvm, you guys can try again for the next re-test. i'm sure you guys can score better marks than me. *cheers*

after the exam, we went to Bugis Junction and Bugis Village. i bought this cute pink Mickey Mouse blouse at an unbelievable price! (ehem, not that i'm a cheapskate but it's a total bargain know!) we took lotsa pictures using my seniors mobile phones. what a missed, i totally had forgotten to bring my Canon Ixus 30 along!

and we planned to go to either Parkway Parade or Tampines Mall to meet the Singapore Idols there but i refused to go as i didn't have my darling Canon Ixus 30 with me. tiada gunanya kalau saya pergi ke sana, bukan?

at last, we went back to Woodlands and went to Woodlands Regional Library to plan for the Passing of Parade. i hope i can be the squad commander for Secondary Two RCY cadets for this year's POP. (i heard rumours that they are against me being squad commander. who cares? haiktui!)

i'm so... i'm so... i'm sooooo in love with ..............

yes! Nokia 6111. it's a darling, isn't it? very chic!

hmm well, i'm kind of a bit heartbroken now. i don't know why but my feelings for him had started to fade away already. bit by bit. i think we just don't have any chemistry. i should believe in faith. i simply don't understand why he always makes the attempt to hurt me and my feelings. i'm a very sensitive person but i'd prefer to keep it to myself. i don't care if i'm suffering from all these as long as i'm not being fucked around. i think, we should just forget about us and all we used to be. goodbye my lover....

i'll miss you, sayang.

Tiada pernah ku sangka

Begini akhirnya

Sebuah ikatan asmara

Yang bisa terlerai jua.

Aku tak bisa melawan hatiku

Kata-katamu sudah cukup menyeksakanku

Kau membunuh perasaanku

Kau kejam.

Aku menyintaimu

Tapi aku tak pasti

Jika kau menyintaiku juga

Hanya bisa yang ku gambarkan

Kau hanya bisa memainkan kata-kata.

Kenapa mesti ini terjadi
Setelah lama aku menyintaimu
Kenapa mesti kau meninggalkanku

Sedangkan ku tak bisa ditinggalkan...

aku tak bisa mengapaimu.

2006-07-09T21:33:00.000+08:00

Sunday 9 July 2006

yesterday was the big day; Marsiling's Sec first public concert at Victoria Concert Hall; MIA MUSICA 2006!

as you know, i was one of the comperes for the concert. it's really a nice and wonderful concert. rugi lah siapa yang tidak hadir. really. the tix were all sold out. it was a full house babeh.

i wasn't nervous but i was shaking on the stage. i don't know why. and yeah, i saw the idiotic papa blackcurrent. (if you know who it is. haha.) merepek sak papa blackcurrent. gi balik sua. menyebok jerrrr.

i don't understand why the teachers kept giving unsatisfactory looks and comments on me. like, "you have to untie your hair coz braids don't go with blazer." "take out your ear sticks." "your skirt is too short." (my skirt looks short coz the blazer is big idiots.) and whatsoever.
well, masuk kiri keluar kanan jer lah.

she's cute, isn't she? prasanx!

the four comperes.

the people that had menjayakan the concert.
without them, takda gerek nyerrrr.
i love boys. LOL.

2006-07-06T20:43:00.000+08:00

Thursday 6 July 2006

Tuesday, we had an excursion to the Arts Museum. i love the arts there. wey, don't think negatively lah. i don't mean that.

i know, i'm not being myself anymore. i've changed. from a good girl to a bad girl. i'm starting to do stupid stuff. i'm back to my old bad habits- and you-know-what.

i was kicked out of the class by the English teacher. the digital camera was being confiscated. i had to go for detentions. i had to do my punishment coz of my offences.

why must it be? why do i have to change? why can't i just be myself?

i don't know.

yesterday i had my photoshoot at Hotel 81!

wah piang eh. not Hotel 81, mind you. it's somewhere near Hotel 81 at Geylang. LOL.

and my role was the worst ever. i had to be the student that is pregnant. wah piangggg!

but i really look cute in braids. there were another three models there. i like the girl named Syahirah. she's nice and sweet and friendly. Dimas was a big mouth tattletale, and the cute boy from ITE Simei is soooooo cute. he's an actor from Hanyut anyways.

we had a screen test. i don't think i did very good but hey, i used to be a Drama student okay! hope i'll be in yeahhh.

it was 10.30pm when we finished the photoshoot. i was afraid to go back home as Dimas and me would have to walk past the pubs and hotels there. errr.. faham2 jer lah yerrrr. so, Kaq Julianawati is sooooo kind. she gave me twenty five bucks to take cab home. she's lovely, isn't she?

Dimas and me.

i just received my results from the neurology department. it's negative. thank God.

but the neurologist said that i have some combinations in my brain, which wth i don't understand. but nvm. i'm okay.

i don't know why but i keep appearing in BH. but i just would like to say that the gothic part in last Sunday's Berita Minggu was not true. it's so not true. when u read it, it's all a piece of crap right? okay. so don't believe whatever is written there kays.

everywhere i'd go, people would ask me, "are u the one that appear in the newspaper?" "u came out in the newspaper! how did u get it?" etc.

malas gue mau layan. people, it's my career okay.

Saturday; a big day!

2006-07-03T19:18:00.000+08:00

Monday 3 July 2006

the Screenbox had just phoned me!!!!

i'm so excited. it's thrilling. gosh, i can't believe it! i'm in! i'm in!

well it all started when i went to the interview at Tiong Bahru last two weeks. the interview was about pre-marital sex. they were having some selection of people for their new campaign that they gonna touch on pre-marital sex.

i can't believe it that they chose me. out of all my friends and people out there. gosh!

this Wednesday i'd have to go down to Screenbox for my first photoshoot. i'm going to be their model for this campaign. yeahhhhh!!!!!

in case you don't know what is Screenbox, it's a television production okay.

okay. enough about Screenbox.
so yeah, last Saturday i went to the National Stadium for SYF Opening Ceremony, but before that, i met someone *ehem* first at Bedok. man, i miss him badly now...

one of my Obor friends.

the SYF was kinda boring lah actually but i like Bowen Sec's the best. i was trying to cheer and entertain myself by shouting and screaming and screeching, like a mad cow. haha.

the thing that i can never forget was when i spotted this guy from Northland Sec standing in front of me. he was wearing a pair of white pants and he had a SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS underneath! i told my friends and we started to sing Spongebob Squarepants theme song loudly and saying sarcastic remarks but he could't listen. and you know what i did next?

i went up to him and asked, "excuse me, erm, my friend would like to know where you'd get that Spongebob boxer?"

he terus ran away with his hands on his ass, covering it like as if people could never notice. his fellow schoolmates who had heard my conversation with him and my schoolmate who were watching me, laughed and teased him. well, pity him. but serious man, it was a kekek one. LOL.

and i saw Pamela from Linkamania doing her duty as RC ma'am! man, i miss her!

Fada. Sabrina. Ezzati. Zulaikha. Iskandar. Suraya Hani.

yesterday, the Obor went to Darul Ma'wa Carnival which was held at Rumah Tumpangan Darul Ma'wa and Telok Kurau Sec. we met lotsa celebrities; Nana & Achik, Syura, Mamat Exist, Karisma, LIPS, Maya, Eka Mairina, Taufik Batisah etc.

i was having fun- and working too. imagine, working on Sunday? whoa.

but afterall it was okay. things went on smoothly just that he couldn't make it as he had the stupid Milk Run thingy.

Eka Mairina and me.

Achik Spin and me.

the sweet couple.
Mamat Exist and me. =))
i love him man.

Nana and me.

Syura and me.

Karisma and me.

My hubby. hahaha.

and of course, TAUFIK BATISAH!

us with our corresponden Berita Harian, Cik Haryani Ismail.

us with Lips.

she's a clone of Siti Nurhaliza. i love her. <3

2006-06-30T15:26:00.000+08:00

Friday 30 June 2006

oh wells. i'm starting to enjoy my prosaic life since i'm single now. it's a life not made for reliving, it's a life that makes your soul forgiving.

i've broke up with three of my boyfriends. why?

well, the first reason, i love someone who means alot to me. second, i need some freedom and hate being controlled (my third boyfriend lah. he thinks he's so good huh. he thinks he's perfect. he wanted me to change. i hate his MSN nicks when he went online last two days. they were sarcastic and i know, he was referring to me). third, i want to concentrate on my studies and carrier (sp?). fourth, i'm very busy right now (i have to attend rehearsals and go for interviews and appointments. i have carnival, learning journey and lotsa activities after school. i'm so busy that i don't even have any time for my ownself. i've been skipping lotsa meals for the past one week.). fifth, i don't think i love any of my boyfriends (so, what's the point right?).

i'm in love with someone else now.

i was the emcee for yesterday's NE Cultural Exchange Programme at St. Nicholas Girls School. i think i looked like a minah with heavy and thick make-up and wig with a Malay dance costume on. it was difficult to mingle around with the Malay dancers as they were like, kerek?

three emcees with two dancers.

emcee-ing. such word meh?

the four emcees with the cikgus.

she's my another new bestfriend. i love her. <3>

my good friends. i heart them.
Iskandar, Shahirah, Wahidah and Idil.

HEAR no evil; SEE no evil; SAY no evil and SMELL no evil. LOL!

i love my girlfriends. <3

cobalah 'tuk setia.

2006-06-26T16:41:00.000+08:00

Monday 26 June 2006

Monday blues. the first day of the school was boring. i slept in Maths class. a new cute and pretty teacher had been replaced my EL teacher. she's quite okay but her lessons are quite boring.

she knew she had done the biggest mistake ever but she couldn't undo whatever she had done. she's got to face the reality. she's got to cross the obstacles in her life. the challenges.

she realized something. she has learnt her lesson; not to play around with people's feelings. she's yearning for his love. she loves him, just out of the blue. she thinks she has found someone right and perfect for her for now.

but she had made him not to believe her anymore. she really regrets that. she wishes she's able to undo the things that have done.

she sees him in her imagination.

2006-06-25T19:29:00.000+08:00

Sunday 25 June 2006

oh wells, pejam celik pejam celik, school's gonna reopen tomorrow. gosh, i still haven't complete my assignments yet. but nevermind. assignments can wait long long hor. LOL.

i've been enjoying myself to the fullest through out this whole week. well that include the Obor Journalist Camp, interview by ScreenBox and dating with a guy from Obor.

let's recall back...

Tuesday, the second day of the camp, was enjoying and fun. guess what? Taufik Batisah was invited for the press conference!!!! we didn't expect him to be the celebrity of the day for the press conference. we totally freezed when we heard the annoucement in the morning, really.

my group was Group 2. we had to go to IRC to do some assignments which was, did research about Taufik Batisah as he was invited for the press conference. it was a boring one. Izzati did most of the job and i was busy taking pictures with Iza Atika. LOL.

Suraya Hani and Iza Atika. we're borned on the same date, April 12.

Taufik Batisah was surrounded by wartwawan cilik. spot me!

i overslept on Wednesday. i was the only person from my school that has to go all the way to Braddell. Izzati had netball, Iza had to send her boyfriend to Kallang and Aisyah's mom didn't let her attend the camp due to certain reasons. i was really late for the last day and my group was supposed to be at the SPH building by 8am as we had to go to Print Ctr which is at Jurong. phew, it was my luck, the group hadn't leave me. they waited for me for about 20minutes. early in the morning, i was being fucked around by this idiotic Fuchun guy. really idiotic.

the visit to Print Ctr was a boring one. i think my workpiece would be published in tomorrow's BH, so if you want to know more about the visit to Print Ctr, you gotta read it in BH.

Iza came after we came back from the visit. at least i'm the only one who had to do the work and represent my school. then, we had to do liputan(i have no idea what it means in EL) and we were given only two hours to complete it. it was really stressful.

and then.. sampai ke penghujungnya, guess what? i won an award of PELAJAR PALING KAYPOH! i didn't expect i would win this award coz i'm a quiet yet love to mix around person. am i right to say that? LOL. i think i won this award coz i asked Taufik too much questions. thanks to Izzati who asked me to ask him. idiot sey.

there were nine pupils who won different awards altogether. since then, we became very close to one another and got really crazy. we took lotsa shots and shout here and there.

inilah pemenang anugerah pelajar paling _____.

together with May and Choy!

after dismissed, Nurrul Arif from Bedok North Sec, Ridhwan from Bendemeer Sec and me went to City Hall. we hang out at the Esplanade and Marina Square and City Link Mall. i had such a great time with them.

HaniWanSky.

on Thursday, i had interview by ScreenBox which was at Tiong Bahru. i had a really great time with Haikal from St. Patrick's, Taufik from Bedok View, Ridhwan from Bendemeer Sec, Zahidah and Fadhilah from TKGS and Haziqah and Yasmin from Greenview Sec.

the interview touched on the issue of youngsters nowadays especially pre-marital sex. i hope i'll be in. wish me luck people!

us with Sujimy.

i have a crush on one of these people. guess who.

after the interview, i met with this ITE guy at Starbucks at Yishun. and something happened after that....

Nas and me.

on Saturday, i went to Bukit Panjang Plaza to meet Azyan and complete my assignments. thanks alot to Azyan for doing my Art assignment. i owe her loads.

best buddies since Primary 5.

after completing my assignments, i went to Tampines to meet with Arif, an Obor journalist like me. =) i got lost at Choa Chu Kang and i didn't know the journey from Choa Chu Kang to Tampines would take an hour. and so, Arif left after waited for me for an hour.

but then, finally we met. i waited for him for about 20 minutes and we went window shopping at Tampines Mall. Tampines Mall is similar like Causeway Point and a lil' bit grand as Marina Square.

and there's Toy R us in Tampines Mall! oooohhhh, i love Toy R us. LOL.

Arif, Barney and me!

this week was the most exciting week and i love and miss Obor and its people. hope there'll be a gathering of the Obor journalist again. see ya again in next September holidays!

she's not exactly a playgirl or someone who likes to play around with people's feelings. she's just got bored with life. she's yearning for freedom and love. she needs someone who can guide and love her with his whole heart. she still couldn't find someone to replace him in her heart and she believes there'll never be anyone. what she's doing now is that, she's throwing tantrums at him for doing her like this.

afterall, she realized there's no point waiting for him. he's not worth waiting. so, she moved on with her life. first, with a guy who's the same age as her. second, with a guy who's four years older than her. last, with a guy who's two years older than her. yet having her three boyfriends didn't make her any changes. she's still the same. she wished she could have him back in her life. but now, she's having a big crush on someone from her work. her carrier friend.

she had explained the whole situation to this guy who's the same age as her that she's having a big crush on. she thought, the guy wouldn't going to believe her anymore and she found it really stupid to tell the guy the truth. but anyways, honesty is the best policy.

right now, she didn't know what she's doing. she's just following whatever her heart says. she still couldn't accept the fact that he's no longer there for her. she's regaining back to being herself again but it's really hard for her.

please, wish and pray her all the best.

2006-06-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

Monday 19 June 2006

today's camp programmes were kinda boring. so many speeches and lectures. i can't wait for tomorrow and Wednesday where we would be going to the printing place at Jurong at some IRC stuff.

we had an ice-breaker game. my group name was Spain, and i had Fauzi Lailey(sp?)'s brother in my group! he danced dangdut very power fuhyoooo. *stupid EL* but anyways, he's cute lah. =P my group members kept saying and calling me names just because i was 'hidup mati with Spain'. LOL.

wakil pelajar-pelajar sekolah saya.

nama-nama kami.

bergambar bersama pelajar-pelajar Sekolah Menengah Si Ling.

well, i didn't get the chance to see mom the whole day as i was out, and i freakingly HATE my dad very much, to the core. he's a nuisance.

good night cruel world.

2006-06-18T23:54:00.000+08:00

Sunday 18 June 2006

MY DAD IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!

well, yes, my dad is pregnant. i think it's four months already. know why?

coz he looks like one whose pregnant!

okay. cut the craps!

well, today is Fathers' Day but i don't have the mood to celebrate it with my dad. i don't like my dad. i love my mom very very much (everytime she has a day off from work, i would always sleep with her. i would do anything just for my dear mom. whenever she's sick, i would always be the one who really take good care of her. that's how much i love my mom.)

unlike dad. he always scold me and treat me like a ************. well, don't say it. he even took my mobile phone. how unfair my dad is! hmph.

i'm so worried. i still haven't finish my assignments. left with only a week to complete my EL, GL and Art. i hate Art. so very the leceh. and tomorrow till Wednesday i would have to attend the Obor Journalism Camp and Thursday i have rehearsal for Mia Musica again. after rehearsal, i would meet the SHANIFAZYAN! hell yeahs, the SHANIFAZYAN outing! the very first outing.

can someone do my Art assignment? please?

well, i'm recovering bit by bit. a bit okay now. not like the past few days. heh, worst.

the family's been planing to go to KL one week after school reopen and just two days before Mia Musica, and that's after the family has got a brand new car which we gonna have it next week! hell yeahs!

but how come not during the holidays. holidays would have been much better, right? damn.

like mother, like daughter.
- i love her very much. <3

________________________________

i've changed the layout of this blog but somehow the comment didn't want to appear and i'm already sleepy (plus tomorrow i've got to wake up early for Obor Camp), i just switched it back to the old one.

i'm bored. i don't know what to do. so i went blog-hopping and copied this down. it seems interesting.

7 Random facts about me.

1. i'm stupid.

2. i'm a lazy girl.

3. i hate liars and betrayers and backstabbers.

4. i still have my bantal busyuk. (top secret! better shut up.)

5. i love mom very much.

6. i can't live without my digicam and MP3 player but i can live without mobile phone.

7. i'm trying to pick myself up.

7 things that scares me.

1. Allah.

2. Animals. (yucks!)

3. When a relationship with someone is gonna terputus. (i have no idea what terputus means in EL.)

4. Love.

5. Being on stage. (stage fright)

6. Molesters/Peragut bersiri dan yang sewaktu dengannya. (who doesn't, tell me.)

7. sometimes; myself.

7 Random music at the moment.

1. Goodbye My Lover.

2. M.I.A.

3. Friends

4. Nadya.

5. Antara Ada Dan Tiada.

6. Niat Di Hati Tak Nak Berpisah.

7. Pedih.

7 Things i like most.

1. Bantal busyuk. (big already still have. LOL.)

2. MP3.

3. Digital Camera.

4. Baby Mickey Mouse given by Kaq Jannah.

5. Elmo given my Faizal.

6. The keychain with our name and a lil' heart on it given by Faizal.

7. Chocolates.

7 things i say the most.

1. "Whatever!"

2. "Shut up!"

3. "Kimak..."

4. "Bodoh!"

5. "Sialan!"

6. "Apa-apa sajalah.."

7. Go and die.

7 people to do this.

1. Azyan.

2. Sharifah Raihanah

3. D'fiee.

4. Quraisha

5. Kaq Diana

6. Hidayah

7. Izzati(like as if she has a blog. ha-ha!)

_______________________________

i got this from my Friendster bulletin board posted by one of my ex-boyfriends. it's a touching story, and that was how i felt whenver Faizal went abroad and the moment we broke up.

Boy: baby we need to talk something has come up...

Girl: what? What's wrong? Is it bad?

Boy: i don't want to hurt u baby...

Girl: *thinks* omg i hope he doesn't break up with me... I love him so much...

Boy: baby are you there??

Girl: yeah i'm here what is so important??

Boy: i'm not sure if i should say... erm...

Girl: well u already brought it up, so please just tell me.

Boy: i'm leaving....

Girl: baby what are u talking about?? I dont want u to leave me, i love you...

Boy: not like that, i mean im moving far away...

Girl: why? All of ur famliy lives over here.

Boy: well my father is sending me away to aboarding skul far away.

Girl: i cant believe this.

[FATHER: (picks up tha other fone & yellsfuriously) ERiKA, wat did i tell you about talking to boys?!!!!!....Get off the damn phone!! (Andhangs up)]

Boy: ur father sounds really mad.

Girl: anyway i don’t want you to go...

Boy: would you run away with me?

Girl: baby, u know i would, i would do anythingforu, but i cant... My dad would kill me!!

Boy: *sad* its ok i understand i guess..

Girl: *thinking* i cant believe wats going on...

Boy: i need to give u sumthing tonight before im leaving on flight 1-80 in the morning, so i need to see you now.

Girl: ok i will sneak out & meet u at the park.

Boy: ok ill meet u there in 20min

[They meet at a nearby park, they both hugeachother. And he gives her a note.]

Boy: here u go, this is for you i gotta go.

Girl: *tear* (begins to cry)

Boy: baby dont cry, u know i love you...but i have to go. i love you sooo much.

Girl: ok (begins to walk away)

[They both go back home.

And erika begins toreadtha letter he gave her]

It says.....

Erika,U probably already know that im leaving, i knew this would be better if i wrote a letter explaining tha truth about how much i care about you. The truth is, is that i never loved you, i hatedyou so much, u are my bitch and dont u ever forget that. I never cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you, n be around u. U really have no clue how much i hate you. Now that im leaving i thought u should know that i hate you bitch, u never did the right thing, and u were never there. I didnt think i could hate someone as much as i hate you.And i never want to see you, for the rest of my life, i will never miss kissing you like before, i never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that’s a promise. U never had my love, and i want you to remember that. Bitch u keep this letter bcuz this may be the last thing u have from me. I hate you so much. i will not talk to you soon bitch....

Goodbye- Kyle....

A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so lonely.... Then she gets a fone call....

Friend: how are u feeling?

Girl: i just cant believe this happend i thought he loved me.

Friend: oh, about that. Kyle left me a msg. A fewdays ago. He told me to tell u to look in ur jacket pocket or something...

Girl: ummm ok [She finds a piece of paper in tha jacket, Itsays...]Baby i hope u find this before u read my letter. Iknew ur dad might read it, so i switched a few words...

Hate = Love

Never = Alwayz

Bitch = Baby

Will not= will........

I hope u didnt take that seriously because ilove you with all my heart, and it was so hard toletyou go thats y i wanted u to run away with me...-Kyle]

Friend: lol ok but i g2g... Call me later......

Erika turns tha T.V. on......[Breaking news]

"An airplane has crashed. Over47 young boys died...3 days later, she kills herself, because of the fact that Kyle was dead & she had nothing to Live for...

A day after, the fone rings. Kyle called to leave a msg. "Its Kyle, i guess ur not home so, I call to let u know that im alive, i missed my flight before i had to see u one last time. So i hope ur not worried. I am staying for good.-kyle"

NOW IF YOU REPOST THIS IN 276 SECONDSSAYING I love my baby/I wish i had a bf/gf andyour wish will come true and you will get good incredibly good luck!!

I WISH I COULD HAVE HIM BACK IN MY LIFE.

2006-06-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

Friday 16 June 2006

i've been seriously ill for the past few days. i don't know what i should do.
but i know, i miss him so badly.

if you ever wonder whose that HIM is referring to, well, it's Faizal. i miss you Faizal.

i'm not being myself. i'm sorry.

i still love him. sorry.
the love's just so strong.

i love you. kisses.

2006-06-13T19:47:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 13 June 2006

betweeen Rashidin and me is nothing. we don't have any relationship. we are just bestfriends.

well, my dear boyfriend read my testimonials at Friendster and he thought i have another relationship behind his back. what a joke! c'mon dude, we are just bestfriends. bestfriends going gay. ahas!

uhh, it's my fault too actually for being flirty and entertain Rashidin. oh wells i felt so guilty towards my boyfriend. well boyfriend, i'm sorry for hurting you that made you salah tanggapan.

i'm lost for words.

school holiday's gonna end soon. left with only a week and i have not touch my assignments. not even a single one. pathetic. i gotta complete my assignments ASAP!

i can hardly wait for SHANIFAZYAN outing!!!

i'm yearning for your love. <3

2006-06-09T19:09:00.000+08:00

Friday 9 June 2006

school holiday is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but i've got a tight schedule with a 'tight freedom'. haiyah. that's why i didn't manage to spend some time to update this bloody blog of mine. i'm sorry about that.

what i am going to do during the holidays:-

camps;

a) RC Camp

b) Linkamania Camp '06

c) NE Camp '06

d) Obor journalist Camp '06

-briefings/workshops

-homeworks/assignments/projects

-study(especially Maths)

-practice/rehearsals (emcee, MIA Musica '06)

-class tee; design and meet

-SHANIFAZYAN jackets; design and meet

-read lots of books/magazines

-watch lots of movies

-SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

and yeah not forgetting, the SHANIFAZYAN outing! hell yeah!!

i didn't attend the RC Camp as i had to go for my CT Scan that time and i fell ill. too bad. i missed the fun, especially Dragon Boat, which they said was fun. haiyah.

i did went to Linkamania Camp. i never attend the briefing. i mean i did, together with Shamsiah, but we were 'rejected'. so i missed whatever that was told. shitty. i came to the camp like a total blur sotong.

so well, this camp was that the secondary and JCs students had to be the mentors while the primary schools kids were there to enjoy the fun that was organized by us. i had a great time knowing the lil' kids, which was known as LINKS, and everything. but it was such a tiring day.here's some of the pictures.

me and the links.

me and stella (i forgot her name). me and pamela.

the mentors. i look adorable, don't i? haha.

LINKAMANIA. i know, it's messy. =P

i've attended the NE Camp. it was a boring one. really. especially when your classmates are being such a nuisance, not participating actively.

it started quite lively but ended with boredom. here's some of the pictures.

DAY 1. In the morning.

DAY 2. During the dawn.

DAY 2. During the debrief.

so now, i'm waiting for Obor journalist camp which gonna be held on 19, 20 and 21. till then i'm going to miss RASHIDIN SAYANG! HAHA!

okay. i've got a boyfriend already. not RASHIDIN, puh-lease.

it's a Fuchun guy. we got together on 030606.

ooooh. i so want to watch THE OMEN but i'm cashless. LOL. coz i've bought an MP3 player last two days. finally ehk.
so i'm waiting for my bestfriends to collect their money and we gonna buy an MP4 soon. yeahhhs!

have i mention that i gonna be the emcee for my school's musica this year?

well, my school would be organizing a MIA MUSICA 2006 on 8 July. you better book the tix now, and support me. haha.

i had a two-day straight rehearsals. last Wednesday and Thursday (that was why i didn't go online). yesterday was at VCH. Victoria Concert Hall, i mean. i've got a few negative comments. shitty lah. Nabil, a band member, told me just to ignore all about the comments. haha. good idea, Nabil. but being an emcee you must be open-minded, right? yes, that's it. i'm going to take in the comments and change for the better. =)

the emcees. best partner, i guess. ;)

haa! this is MY FATHER! *hiak hiak*

Sir Stamford Raffles.

Dad's been seriously ill for the past two weeks. i had to accompany Dad to the hospital for two times. first was the A & E part. then, the appointment. wts. Dad's always at home and i have no privacy at all. i've been longing to give Azyan a call but have not to (and i guess she's waiting for my call already and she's COMPLAINING already. haha. sorry Azyan)

okay. i gonna wait for ~~RASHIDIN SAYANG~~ to finish his hair dying thingy. haha.

~~LOVE YOU RASHIDIN SAYANG.~~ haha!

wells. i have 4 crushes now. first, on my very own classmate. ehem. second, someone from MIA MUSICA. third, someone from the same level as me. fourth, someone from a neighbouring school, somewhere near mine. =))

i know, i've got a boyfriend already. you don't have to remind me that. =)

and this very special song was introduced to me by my ex-boyfriend, Asyiq. it's a very nice touching song.

Marc Anthony- My Baby You

As I look into your eyes

I see all the reasons why

My life's worth a thousand skies

You're the simplest love I've known

And the purest one I'll own

Know you’ll never be alone

Chorus:
My baby you

Are the reason I could fly

And cause of you

I don't have to wonder why

Baby you

There's no more just getting by

You're the reason I feel so alive

Though these words I sing are true

They still fail to capture you

As mere words can only do

How do I explain that smile

And how it turns my world around

Keeping my feet on the ground

Repeat Chorus

I will soothe you if you fall

I'll be right there if you call

You're my greatest love of all

Repeat Chorus

Arianna I feel so alive

2006-05-16T17:12:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 16 May 2006

i've planned it well, and it really happened.

i slapped Faizal and threw a soya bean drink at his face during recess time.

he wasn't satisfied. he was angry. he then came into my classroom, shouting at the top of his lungs at me. he even pulled the sleeve of my blouse. i shouted back at him. i had never shout at him coz i respected him.

he was way too much. he jatuhkan my reputation. my classmates and everybody who were walking past my class saw the drama between us with their mouth opened. everyone was curious, i know.

i slapped him. twice. and they were hard.

we walked away and i cried. i didn't mean to hurt him. i never meant to slap him in the first place but he was just too much. i couldn't do anything but to slap him and embarrass him in front of everyone, especially my classmates.

i know people were curious why i did that. well, it was all because of betrayal.

he betrayed me. i found out the truth. nothing but the truth about my so-called bestfriends and him playing Truth Or Dare last three weeks. they were dared to kiss and hug each other. and you know, Faizal and me was on a promise that we would be faithful to each other till the day we'd get back together. but this was what he did to me. he betrayed me. he kissed and hugged my own goddamn bestfriends. or maybe the opposite way.

and oh, my so-called bestfriends.

they knew how much i loved my ex-boyfriend, and this was what they did to me. they had never appreciated me being their friend at all. i've sacrificed so much for them and these were what i got in return; being betrayed.

take Anisah for an example. she stepped onto a glass piece last few months. i was the one who brought her to clinic and paid her medical bill yet she never appreciated me. then, she had some friends who didn't like her yet i just ignored whatever they said and still be her own good friend.

(i'm not mengunkit kisah lalu but i just wanna tell you guys how much i've sacrificed for my own good friends and the way i got in return from them)

and Shaqilah. i've been friends with her since we were in primary schools. i had helped her alot, and she too, had helped me alot. we've been very good friends last year and the beginning of this year. but not now. she is just an egoistic friend who is very selfish. i knew her very dark secret but i would never going to reveal it coz i wanna keep her reputation. i hate to do evil things to my own friends. she also knew how much i loved and missed Faizal yet she betrayed me.

is this what you called friends? bestfriends, huh? what are friends are for? betraying?

i can never forgive them for what they have done to me till the day i'd die.

now, i know who are really my true friends. it's Syahirah etcetra.

i know, i used to discriminate Syahirah but that was in the past. now i've apologized to her and we're bestfriends back. i love her more than anything. she's one hell of a great bestfriend. she's really understanding and we always share lots of similarities, especially about parents! haha.

and to those who are being nice to me; Fadaria, Huda, Shabana, Hazilah, Mai, Shamsiah and my dear classmates, thanks alot for being my friend and supporting me! i love you guys!

and yes yes yes, my dear SHANIFAZYAN!!!!!!!!!! i love youuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!! especially Azyan dear!

you guys rock my world! hugs and kisses.

okay. so now, life has to move on. i won't going to wait for Faizal anymore. not after he betrayed me and the stuff that i heard about what he said about me. i won't going to love a betrayer.

i shall forget Faizal and his stupid sweet love. i'm going to move on with my life. i'm going to start a new life all over again with the people i love. and.... i'm going to have a new boyfriend who actually really loves and cares for me!!!!

oh, have i mention that i need a new boyfriend? well, haha.

live life to the fullest.

P.S. i miss you Sharifah Raihanah and Afifah and AZYAN!!!!!!!!!

the friends that i shall leave behind.

Jika by Melly Goeslaw & Ari Lasso

Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh di mata dekat di hati
Sempat terpikir tuk kembali
Walau beda akan kujalani
Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh di mata dekat di hati
Apakah sama yang kurasa
Ingin jumpa walau ada segan
Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

Jika memang masih bisa mulut ku berbicara
Santun kata yang ingin terucap
Kan ku dengar caci dan puji dirimu padaku
Kita masih muda dalam mencari keputusan
Maafkan daku ingin kembali
Seumpama ada jalan tuk kembali

Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh di mata dekat di hati
Tak ada niat untuk selamanya pergi

Jika teringat tentang dikau
Jauh di mata dekat di hati
Tak ada niat untuk berpisah denganmu

2006-05-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

Friday 12 May 2006

he gave me a hint that it'd be today but he forgot about it. he totally had forgotten about the promise.

yes i have to admit that i miss Faizal but i can't do anything. there's no way i'm going to call or text him. i'm going to be egoistic in this matter. i don't want to be a weak lady like how i used to be. i'm going to be strong. i'm going to prove everyone's wrong.

life has to move on no matter what happens.

Mothers' Day is just around the corner. this Sunday, right? i was thinking about having the song Air Mata Ibu by Siti Nurhaliza as my background music but i couldn't find the code. nevermind, i'm going to change the song to something rockish or happy. just like Azyan's permintaan. i love you, girl! kisses.

and oh yes, i'm going to treat the family to Swensens this Sunday!

and i'm going to treat myself with a new MP3! =)) or maybe MP4. winks.

yesterday's neurology appointment was okay. i would need to have a CT Scan on 19 May. wish me luck people. let's hope there's nothing serious or anything in my brain, and hope i'll be doing fine throughout my entire life. okayys?

bloody hell. tomorrow i'll have to attend the Linkamania's briefing at RC Campsite @ Kembangan. lazy lahhhh...

and my mom means so much to me.

i love you, Ibu! hugs and kisses.

MATCHBOOK ROMANCE "Promise"

What would you say if I asked you not to go
To forget everyone, forget everything and start over with me
Would you take my hand and never let me go
Promise me you'll never let me go

And now the stars aren't out tonight,
But neither are we to look up at them
Why does hello feel like goodbye?
These memories can't replace,
These wishes I wished and dreams I chased
Take this broken heart and make it right

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

I never thought I'd be the one to say
Please don't, well please don't leave me

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy

You're not making this easy (easy, easy, easy...)

Take my hand and never let me go,
Take my hand and never let me go,
Promise me...
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
You'll never let go
Make this last forever

I feel like I lost everything when you're gone
Left remembering what it's like to have you here with me
I thought you should know,
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy
You're not making this easy

I'll fall asleep tonight, 'cause that brings me closer to you

2006-05-11T08:21:00.000+08:00

Thursday 11 May 2006

things are getting back to normal. kinda solved but not with Faizal. i don't care about the Promise anymore. let's just break it. he doesn't even seem to bother. so why should i bother, right? might as well get it off.

i don't know. life's seem kinda prosaic now. i've got nothing much to do. exams are finally over. just yesterday. now, i can kinda party and enjoy, but not to the max, as you know, the Big Monster that i really detest would burst out again. i can't bear it anymore.

i'm seeing the councillor now. going through some stupid counselling. am i that bad?

no. i've changed. i've totally changed now. see me for yourself. see my inner strength; not the external beauty.

i couldn't believe it. my own ex-boyfriend and my own damn bestfriend are betraying me. fuck. i don't know how to say it out but i found out that both of them went to a friend's house together. i ponder what they were doing there. maybe they're fucking around with each other. oh, God knows everything. i just have to relax.

and i need a boyfriend now. i bloodily need a boyfriend. urgently. life's prosaic, that's why!

afterall i must move on with my life. there's no point of me waiting for a pathetic guy like him. he's just fucking around with my feelings. i just realized that. how stupid i was to be so faithful to him. fuck. how long must i wait, right?

i think i should listen to what my aunts said last week when we had a small family gathering.

Aunt Betty said, "cari laki banyak-banyak so that you have the experience. jangan jadi bodoh pada satu laki aje. mesti kene pandai mainkan laki. jangan sampai laki mainkan kita. you must go around and try each and every guy that you would like to have as a boyfriend. you're still young. you should cherish your teenage life. don't ruin it over a guy... etc etc"

really, my aunts rock my underwear! haha. they're cool man! LOL!

i think i'll just keep to my promise to Faizal but on the other hand, i may not be that faithful anymore. what for? he's not being faithful to me either. it isn't fair, right?

in the mean time, i'll go around and seek for cute and handsome guys with a macho body and gigantic dicks. wish me luck! LOL.

okay, i think i'm boasting here. LOL. my Cerpen was being published in the BH (ruangan Obor) last Monday on 8 May 2006. take a look!

thanks for the comment people! they said it's a touching story. haha.

drop a comment yeah?

hmm. i think this had been my third time my workpiece being published in the newspaper. LOL. *boast*

i'm seeing the neurologist this afternoon. my second appointment. wish me luck people, especially for the Scan! i'm pretty scared...

Hetty Sarlene "Siapa Aku Disisimu"

Hembusan angin bagai membawa berita

Berita yang mengecewakan ku

Apa yang terjadi bukan yang ku impikan

Namun ku tabahkan hati ini

Sayangku, ku tahu kau tak ingin begini

Tapi kau sanggup lakukannya

Betapa hatiku hancur musnah berderaian

Tidak seorang pun yang memahami

Hati dan perasaanku

Kerna cintaimu ku jadi begini

Kerna sayangkan mu ku telan semua

Betapa hebatnya kau di hati ini

Kenapa kau tak pernah fikirkan aku

Kenapa si dia jadi pilihanmu

Ku sedar siapa diriku di sisimu

Di sisimu

Ku harap suatu hari kau kan mengerti kasih

Siapa diriku di sisimu

Pengorbananku bagai tak pernah dihargai

Ia bagai angin yang berlalu

Sayangku, ku tahu kau tak ingin begini

Tapi kau sanggup lakukannya

Betapa hatiku hancur musnah berderaian

Tidak seorang pun yang memahami

Hati dan perasaanku

Kerna cintaimu ku jadi begini

Kerna sayangkan mu ku telan semua

Betapa hebatnya kau di hati ini

Kenapa kau tak pernah fikirkan aku

Kenapa si dia jadi pilihanmu

Ku sedar siapa diriku di sisimu

Di sisimu

love me while i'm still alive.

2006-05-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

Sunday 7 May 2006

i feel quite good after talking on the phone with Azyan. oh, she's great and gorgeous. she's got all the positive points. i like her. =))

so i've wished to change the background music to Kenapa by Shazzy ft. VE.
this song is just exactly how i feel towards Faizal.

Shazzy ft. VE "Kenapa"

Sebelum ku kenali mu hidupku cukup dgn suka duka

Tak penah ku sangka semuanya akan berubah

Dikau bagaikan cahaya bagi jiwaku ini

Tak mungkin ku lupakan kata mu kan sentiasa disisi

Bagaikan satu kisah cinta kita berdua kemana asyik berpegangan tangan

Orang lain dilupakan

Apa terjadi diriku ini masih tegar hati dilukai setelah janji ditunaikan

Tiap kali ku fikir tiada guna bersedih

Rakan-rakan katakan buang masa ku cintai

Dikau puncak hatiku tiada baik darimu tiada langsung yang benar dari ungkapan bibirmu

Kenapa harusku bercinta

Kenapa ku begini

Kenapa harus ku tahu semua

Kenapa harus ku bercinta

Kenapa ku percaya

Kenapa aku diperbodohkan kasih…

Tak mungkin ku lupakan

Kali pertama bersua tak sangka

Tikaman menjadi pedih yang di dalami jiwa..oww

Siang malam termenung sedih bebankan hati

Tak pernah ku ingat ku boleh dilukai begini

Namun ku cakap hatiku tuk melupakan mu ku tahu bukan begitu Come on!

Masa berlalu jiwa dan ragaku katakn pada pendengarku [sudahlah]

Selamat tinggal oh kasih

Janganlah iri hati

Kehidupan kan bermula bila terbitnya mentari

Kenapa harus ku bercinta

Kenapa ku percaya

Kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan

Kenapa harus ku merayu

Kenapa ku percaya

Kenapa harus ku dikecewakan..kasihh…oohhhhhh

Kenapa harus ku bercinta

Kenapa ku percaya

Kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan

Kenapa harus ku merayu

Kenapa ku bercinta

Kenapa harus ku pegang janjimu

Sekian lama telah ku simpan rasa ini dihatiku

Baru kini ku berani tuk menyatakan oh gadis

Dikau bijak segala kepedihan di hatiku

Tak ingin lagi ku lihat wajah mu di hadapan ku

Sekian lama telah ku simpan rasa ini dihatiku

Baru kini ku berani tuk menyatakan oh gadis

Dikau bijak segala kepedihan di hatiku

Tak ingin lagi ku lihat wajah mu di hadapan ku
Sayang…telah kau mempermainkan hatiku

Telah ku buatkan segalanya..telah ku janjikan segalanya

Namun kau..terlalu memperdayakan ku

Takkan ku merayu sayang…tak ingin aku membuat mcm ini lagi

I just cant get witchu rite now

Kenapa harus ku merayu Uh..

kenapa harus ku bercinta.. Yeahh…pergilahh sayang…[kenapa]

2006-05-07T14:57:00.000+08:00

Sunday 7 May 2006

Friday was a blast.

here it goes...

i decided i won't going to alight at the school's bus stop that morning. i would alight only the stop after Checkpoint, and i know what i gonna do next. i had already thought about it. i found myself useless and pathetic. there's no point if i'd continue this useless life. i might as well die. that was almost my decision.

but i changed my mind at the very last minute. i finally alight at the school's bus stop. i was really weak that i could hardly walk. i had not eaten for almost a week already.

upon reaching school, the pains hit me again in the head and tummy. i endured the pains with silent cries. i thought about my life and my pains, and i cried. tears rolled down my cheek.

both my friends brought me to the Office and i didn't sit for my History Paper that morning. i spent an hour sleeping and crying in the Sick Bay while others were busy doing their papers.

i was already awoke when a guy came into the room and asked me. i had to follow him to the second level.

he was actually a school councillor.

he consoled me and everything, and i was forced to tell him what actually were bothering me till that i couldn't sit for my History paper that morning. i told him everything.

he'll see Dad tomorrow at 12 noon.

he went outside. when he came back to me, he said my Dad would want me to sit for the paper and so, i obeyed. i sat for the paper in the end.

i finished the paper in one hour. when i was about to leave the examination venue, a Malay subject teacher went up to me and had a chat with me. i felt so terharu. i cried as i told her almost everything. she's like my Mom at that moment. i felt great that actually somebody at least cared about me and my life. afterall, my life isn't that useless as i thought. she praised me an gave me some guidance. oh, i felt really terharu that i just wanted to hug her.

then, i was told to and see the doctor to get an MC. the school councillor gave me some money and went to clinic on myself.

i was kinda lucky that i got to the Emergency Doctor. the doctor said i had gastric flu and about my head, it's still the same thing. and i'm still having follow-ups at NUH.

and i bloodily missed my appointment with the neurologist at NUH last Thursday. Dad was really furious.

___

i don't know what exactly had actually happened between Faizal and me. he just couldn't care less about me. he had forgotten about me. he had left me. he's no longer the Faizal whom i used to know. he had changed alot ever since he played that bloody Truth Or Dare game with those bunch of idiots.

i was really in need that moment. i texted him, "I need you now. Pls." and a reply was, "nak ape?" OMG. is this the way that i got? i felt a lil hurtful.

then, he went on all shitty. he was obviously jealous that moment about something. but i don't know what it was. i kept asking him what wrong have i done to him till he reacted this way but he didn't bother to answer my questions. all that i got what HURT. being HURT.

i asked him if we could meet up that evening and he replied, "Leave me alone tonight."

when i asked him what wrong have i done to him, he kept replying, "Leave me alone."

i don't understand why and what had actually happened. he's just no longer the Faizal whom i used to know. the caring and loving guy.

so fine. i didn't talk to him. or see him. or text him. not anymore.

plus, my phone had already been confiscated by that bloody idiot.

i think The Promise between us had already over.

no more hope of getting back together.

and i am really really really hurt.

leave me alone.

RYAN CABRERA "True"

I wont talk

I wont breathe

I wont move till you finally see

That you belong with me

You might think i dont look

But deep inside

In the corner of my mind

Im attached to you

Im weak

Its true

Cuz im afarid to know the awnsers

Do you want me too?

Cuz my heart keeps fallnig faster

Ive waited all my life

To cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So i wont hide

Its time to try

Anything to be with you

All my life ive waiting

This is true

You dont know what you do

Everytime you walk into the room

Im afarid to move

Im weak

Its true

Im just scared to know the ending

Do you see me too?

Do you even know u met me?

Ive waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So i will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life ive waited

This is true
I know when i go ill be on my way to you

The way thats true
Ive waited all my life to cross this line

To the only thing thats true

So i will not hide

Its time to try anything to be with you

All my life ive waitied

This is true

2006-05-03T17:45:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 3 May 2006

these days are just so so so simply suck.
first, i had a row with my family. second, about friendship. third, about my so-called BGR. fourth, about social stuff. fifth, about school.

sigh. i don't know what the hell are all these bullshits. everything just doesn't go my way. guess it must have been fated to be in this way. life's simply suck. it's a hell. i fucking hate my life.

and i fucking hate myself too.

why must all these be happening to me? why?!?!?! what wrong have i done? what are my mistakes? why must it all be happening at the same time in a row? why do i have to deal with all these bullshits? why??!!?!??!?!?!

first, i had a row with my family. my parents just don't seem to be understanding. they're so unreasonable. i'm having my Mid Year exams now. i'm studying most of the time and yet they ask me to do the house chores.

i have a brother. my bro isn't having anything important at the moment. he could have lift a finger on the chores right. they just can't be too depending on me. plus, i'm not the servant or house maid here. i'm a student and a child. i deserve to get some freedom to do things my way.
but i just can't. life's so unfair to me.

mom had never laid her hands on me. but she did. i felt so hurtful.

mom looks at me like i'm an invisible fucking lunatic. she scolded me yesterday for going back home late from school when i was actually home by 2.30pm. well, you see, i'm just an invisible child.

nobody talks to me at home. i feel so lonely. nobody seems to care for me. they never ask questions about me or how i'm doing etc. everyone in the house are just so busy with their own stuff that neglect one another. i think this family of mine should be caring and loving and understanding and reasonable.

the cordless is spoilt. we can't use it. so i would need to use the coiled phones. the other day, mom caught me talking on the phone with Faizal. she scolded me. i mean, us. without my knowing, she had actually called Faizal back. she redialled the number. Fuck. i didn't know about that till Faizal told me a few days later.she simply doesn't understand. Faizal and me do not have any relationship! we are nothing. seriously, nothing. we are just friends. we did contact each other but not that frequently. sighh.

and i detest dad. i hate him whenever he compared me with bro. i really hate it. he had never shown me his love and care for me. i feel so sad. he treats me and my bro differently. he cares and gives bro everything. but not me. you see, life's so unfair! really unfair!

that's all about home and family.

second, about friendship.

i kinda detest her. she keeps controlling us. she forces us to follow her. she makes us like fool idiots who don't have brains. i hate it whenever she forces me go hang around under the void deck. i'm not those type of people who lepak at the void deck. i find it a waste of time. better still if i'd go gome and sleep and play computer and watch teevee. when i don't want to go lepak with her, she would make "fantastic stories" about how fun the lepak she had with certain people etc. she tried to make me jealous but i don't envy about them. but....

when it comes to yesterday's lepaking... she lepak-ed with one of my ex-boyfriends and his friends and her friend. they played Truth Or Dare. everyone took Dare. everything about it, she won't going to reveal to me. then, i smell something fishy about it and them. what if Faizal was being dared to do something nasty behind my back, for example, kiss a girl. like how he used to, he was being dared by his friends to go around and ask the Si Ling girls' numbers.

i don't know if he had forgotten his promise to me. we had promised each other to be faithful till the day we'd be together back again like before. i'm afraid, really afraid, if he had been dared to do something really really nasty. well then, i won't going to forgive him and my friends who played the Truth Or Dare game.

i wanted to tell her to stop being like a Queen Control but i just don't want our friendship to be destroyed again just over something silly. but sometimes, i prefer going back home with Hazilah, Abdah and Erni. even if they are not fun, they still care about their friends and they DON'T control everyone in the clique.

please lah... i've got enough. why must i keep being controlled by people? why? my parents, my friends and teachers. sighhh.

third, about my so-called BGR.

i don't exactly have a BGR right now. but The Promise between us. Faizal and me. he seemed like.. couldn't be bothered. he didn't even care for me. i guess he didn't even love me. i think he's just taking me for granted.

i love him sooo much and really care for him and this is the way that i got in return from him. and i'm also been treated like i'm an invisible fucking lunatic.

i've got something really really important and urgent to tell him but i just couldn't find the right time. he's always busy with his friends that he neglects me. i know who i am. i ain't his girlfriend. i understand everything. guess i'm the bullshit one here going hyper crazy about him when he didn't eventually bother about me. what more to say, love and care.

sometimes boys are just pathetic and useless.

no, in this situation, i find i'm the one who is pathetic and useless. well, i'm an invisible fucking lunatic, right?

i think it's come to the end. whatever happens between us, i just have to face the fact and reality. i can't dream on anymore. i was always in my fantasy land. well, now, i would have to open my eyes and wake up and face the reality.

come what may.

fourth, about social stuff.

just now, i was 'hang' my Syahirah's budak baju. i don't want to reveal anything about that but i find the budak baju are all craps. they talked cock. full stop.

and anyways, thanks to Zharif for helping me. he sanggup turun all the way to 201 to help me with this case. thanks dear.

fifth, about school.

i don't like my form teacher. i find her prejudice on me. everything that i did are all wrong in her eyes. why?

i don't even get the chance to hold any leadership quality at all. i want to have one. but sigh, it's all faith. i can't do anything but try to win her heart. i will try.

i feel so sad. i feel so depressed. i feel so heartbroken.
i cried everyday 24/7. air mataku begitu murah sekali untuk mencurah. my tears would just well up on its own and roll down my cheek. then, my vision when blur and spotty. from there, the pains would hit my in the head and in my tummy which make me feel like i'm going to pass out or chuck up.

anyways, i would like to do well for my Mid Year. wish me luck people!

and i would like to thank to my fellow friends who have been helpful and caring towards me. i love you guys!

but people, i think it's come to the end. my life means nothing anymore. i'm a useless kid. i don't deserve to live in this planet. i think, well, __________ is just the only way out. i'm sorry. i don't want to harass you people's lives anymore. you guys have a life to live, but not me. i shall pull myself out from this situation. thanks alot people. i will appreciate everything that u guys have done for me. thank you soooo much.

and Faizal, i will never forget about our promises. i will still keep them. i will still be faithful to you. and i will still love you till the day i step into heaven. till then, i'm going to miss you.

and i'm going to miss the Earth and its people.

i'm sorry...

goodbye everybody.

goodbye my lover, goodbye my friends.

this song is specially dedicated to Faizal and the people who actually care about me. thanks people. =)

JAMES BLUNT

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,

I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,

My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your head.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,

You can't break my spirit -

it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on,

remember me,

Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry,

I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby,

I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

2006-04-29T16:06:00.000+08:00

Saturday 29 April 2006

hello wankers.

well, i won't be updating much. exams are just around the corner. i'll need to mug 24 hours. i don't think i'll have enough time blogging. anything, just leave a comment yeah. thanks.

and good luck to those who are sitting for their papers too. =P

and i love my Papa Elmo. hugs and kisses.

lucks people!~

2006-04-25T11:19:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 25 April 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!! (like as if Dad gonna see this. haha)

oh yes, am currently using the stupid iMac in school. having Art lesson. the most boring lesson ever. sigh.

i'm dealing with the pains now. two stupid pains. double sighs.

sometimes i'd ask myself; how long must i keep be depending on my preventer and pain killers. the drugs. i just couldn't 'survive' without my preventer around me. sigh. why must i be sick? so sick. it's so sickening.

and am having period now. urgh, the menses cramp hurts alot! gawd... i'm going to survive till late afternoon.

oh yessssss! i'm going to spend some quality time with him this afternoon. us together. it's been six months already that we hadn't been together and spend time with each other.

and oh, yes, he's coming back to my life. soon.

okayys. gotta go. the bell gonna ring soon.

toodles!

2006-04-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

Saturday 22 April 2006

this week was hectic. so many things, so little time.

i don't know why but my school seems to be prejudice in every single thing. even the teachers and students. why must they be so prejudice? total discrimination. i hate this school.

the teachers especially. they're like... 'pilih kasih'. what the hell?! they're supposed to be fair and square. but heck no, they're prejudice with students. especially students who seem to have 'bad' external appearances (say, piercings etc.). they thought those with 'bad' external appearances are also considered as bad people, bad company.

guess the teachers must open their eyes big big and see PROPERLY without being prejudice! total unfairness! hmph!

see their internal good hearts which smell nice! unlike theirs! sighhh.

my class had this workshop on Internet Safety last Wednesday.

it was a good, nice workshop. not those prosaic types. ha-ha.
so yeah, they mentioned abt meeting online stranges, chattings, online games, blogs etc.
wells, majority of the topics that we discussed had me involving in them such as meeting online strangers etc. and yeah, being prejudice when blogging! hope i have NEVER being prejudice here. ha-ha. as if ehhhh....

so much of being a friend.

okay okay. say whatever you wanna say people but i'm just doing my job as a pautokiak. ha-ha.well, not exactly!

ooooh... the DM and me are friends actually. we always share secrets and stuff. LOL. like bestfriends know! heee.

i was freakingly shocked and worried for Zharif. DM asked me if i know anything about him lately but i answered that he hadn't come to school for four days already and i didn't know why as i don't contact him anymore since the break-up.

guess what the DM told me?
he said Zharif had appendicitis!!!!!!
God God God! i just couldn't believe myself!

the hospital had sent a letter to the school to ask him to go to the hospital urgently so that he can have his surgery ASAP.
there's no wonder why he used to complain to me about him having stomache. stuff like that. but he did tell me that the doctor said it was just an infection when we met over at Polyclinic the other day after my exam.

so yeah, Shaqilah and me had to go cycling with the DM to look for him at his hangout place (which of course i know where it is). but the cycling was postponed to some other day when it was raining heavily outside. dammit.

Shaqilah and me were so excited about going cycling with the DM yesterday afternoon that we skipped RC. not exactly skip but we asked for permission to leave a lil earlier. heeee. =P

i hope Zharif's okay. i'm so worried about him that i almost burst into tears yesterday afternoon. =(

i keep pondering...

why do you have to this to me when i'm being so faithful to you?
why do you have to hurt me over and over again?
what sin have i done to you?
mana letaknya janji-janji kita?

i was so emotionally hurt.
i was so disappointed.

i love you so much and this is the way that i got in return.
i've tried my best to be faithful to you and i did. but never you.

it's no wonder why you've said "don't put high hopes on me...".
if you detest me or detest me loving you, say so. don't hurt me.

i know we're nothing and i don't have the right to prevent you from doing things that you do, but please bear in mind about our vows coz i'm serious about it.

i feel like letting you go but i just can't. i don't want to keep you in my heart and hand when you just want to be free like a TweetyBird which always been kept in its cage.

i was so so so heartbroken.

but afterall, we made it through. we're okay now. yes, i've got to admit that i broke into tears when we talked on the phone but i was just TOO emotionally hurt and disappointed.

and now, i really love my Papa Elmo!!!! hugs and kisses.

last night phone call with Papa Elmo was a disaster.
i had a monster shouting, pulling the telephone line, hitting and lecturing me. bullshit.

but anyways, Papa Elmo asked me about us getting back together and what would i do; accept him or reject him. of course i'll accept right! i love him sooo much and i miss him too.

actually yesterday was supposed to be our one year and one month anniversary but we didn't manage to make it through. but nevermind. let's look ahead and plan the future well. hope we'll stay together forever. =))

i just can't wait till the day we'll be back together.
i'll be waiting darling. kisses.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Birthday Birthday!!!

the cakes.

a pair of Charles & Keith brown leather high heels from Mom & Dad.

a pair of girlish cute earrings from Huda, my bestie.

the so-called Gucci black leather belt from Abdah, Erni, Hazilah and Shamyah.

adorable Baby Mickey from my future-to-be sister-in-law, Kaq Jannah. (Papa Elmo's sister) kisses.

cuteeeeeeeee Elmo from Papa Elmo A.K.A. Mohd Faizal B Hamzah. hugs and kisses.

more pictures coming up soon. hee. =)

anyways thanks alot guys for the birthday presents!!!!!!! buat susah jerrr. hehe. kisses.

2006-04-17T20:20:00.000+08:00

Monday 17 April 2006

i've broke up with Zharif.

and i'm sooooo happy. extremely happy. =))

but things aren't right between Shai and me. oh fuck. it's all my fault. sigh.

BACKSTREET BOYS - "Just Want You To Know"

Looking at your picture from when we first met

You gave me a smile that I could never forget

And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind

The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night

Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead

And deep inside I wish it's me instead

My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself

No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know

That I've been fighting to let you go

Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end

I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me

But still I have to say I would do it all again

Just want you to know

goodbye my un-honoured lover.

2006-04-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday 16 April 2006

aww... that's sooo sweet, isn't it?

wells, he went all the way to my house this afternoon just to give me my belated birthday presents. sweet, right?

and Gosh, know what? he gave me an Elmo!!!! just exactly the same one but duh, he got me a new one lah for me. so yes, now we have matching Elmos. yay! our Elmos can play together. LOL!

so when i miss him, i can just hug Elmo and when he misses me, he could hug the Elmo that i gave to him. heeeee. =))

his sister gave me a Baby Mickey. awww... that's soooooo adorable. really. hehe. thanks Kaq Jannah!!! love you! kisses.

ouh well, i'll upload the picture of my brithday events (including presents. hee.) later. say, by the end of next week? okayys? haha.

i'm just so happy. lalala~

anyways she called me just now. everything's getting better now. well, i hope this can last for ages. sighh.

i still love you. kisses.

2006-04-14T20:40:00.000+08:00

Friday 14 April 2006

it worth it. really.

after two days for having bloodshot eyes, it really worth it going out with him and had fun.

thanks darling. thanks for everything. i really love you.

and yeah, on the way back home, we planned the early Family Planning. well, it was actually a serious one yet funny. LOL.

so yes darling, i'll be waiting for you even if it'd take 10 years. i love you dear. i really do. no one can ever replace you in my heart. you're still my only one. muackx.

Gosh, i'm going to be faithful to him. yes yes i am. man, i can't wait for the day we'd be back together like before.

even though my love for you had already seem to fade away, but somehow, it's ameliorating. thanks sayang.

i love you. hugs and kisses.

in case you're curious who it is, wells, it's

Mohd Faizal B Hamzah.

so much hatred, eh? haha.

well, i love him now. kisses.

2006-04-13T20:53:00.000+08:00

Thursday 13 April 2006

Happy Birthday Liya!

Happy Birthday Juwita!

Happy Birthday Mariah!

Happy Birthday Li Zhen!

Happy Birthday Su Yi!

and Happy Birthday my dear friends whose ever's birthday falls on this day. it's too much to mention. haha.and yeah, like as if i could remember everyone. bad bad. know, STM? oh right.

it started quite perfect in the first place. yeah, birthday presents.

Huda gave me this cute girlish earrings.

Shamyah, Hazilah, Erni and Abdah gave me this so-called Gucci leather black.
thanks guys!!! muacks.

not until i received a letter from her.oh, the letter's so hurtful.
i was reading half way through when tears started to roll down my cheeks.

gosh! i couldn't believe she's writing in this manner to me. it's just soo hurtful.

i cried at the gallery.

i cried at the track.

i cried at the grand stand.

i cried even when i wanted to take my trophy.

it's unbearable. the hurts. the words that hurt. Gosh Gosh!

so, i think that's the end of our friendship. sigh. ='(

anyways, Sports Day was totally suck.

i slack alot, i know.

Gosh, can't you people just be a bit understanding? hello, i'm sick okay! and i'm hurt too! what do you people expect from me, huh?!

so wells, my 100m, 200m and relay was suck. totally suck.

100m i got 5th.

200m i got 2nd. somehow, i forgotten to take my trophy. stupid righht? nyeahhs.

Relay jangan cakap!

nevermind. next year i'll make sure myself getting a gold trophy. oh, guess i've got to put in more efforts. uh huh.

see, these were what my bestfriends did when i was on the track. instead of cheering and supporting me, they're supporting themselves using my digicam. nyeahhs.

oh and funny story told by Rasul about "Hanim". LOL!!! =D

and ah, thanks to Irya for the spikes shoes. =))

it's the end.thank you for the venom.

2006-04-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 12 April 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SURAYA HANI!!!!!!!

oohkayyys. yes, today is my birthday. nyeahhhs. =)))

i made Brownies and gave them to my favourite teachers and good friends in school today. oh wells, i'm pretty sorry about the rest but i just don't seem to have any extras or enough for the rest. sorry yeahs? perhaps next year you'll get something. =)

so, i didn't get any presents today. in fact, they say they would like to give me some other days as they're just... you know... running out of money. haha. so yes, Mr Toh had promised me a present tomorrow! and lots and lots more. gee!

and NO birthday bash besides Hazilah's one-finger-icing-stamp on my cheek. oh great! wells, i was just trying to run away from any bashes. haha. that includes Zazal and the gang. LOL. see, i'm just small enough to squeeze in between you guys! and yes, IM SMART! LOL! =P

anyways, i gave her a cake together with a letter. she smiled at me. when we went over the benches, she came up to me and held her hands out to wish me a Happy Birthday and smiled at me again. i felt my heart's throbbing and i tears had already welled up in my eyes but i tried to blink back the tears. aww... so sweet of her!i hope we gonna be bestfriends back again. i hope so. =)

the birthday this year meant nothing to me at all. it wasn't a happy one. i don't consider i'm celebrating it i think. it's like any normal days.

oh yes the presents. will upload later. hee. =))

more presents are welcome! haha. tak tau malu. LOL.

anyways, wish me luck for tomorrow's Sports Day, aight? winks.

it's once in a century.

2006-04-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

Saturday 8 April 2006

Happy Birthday Warda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, today's Warda's birthday. haha. clashed together with her Netball tournament and Sports Heat. poor lil' girl. LOL.

i was late! to meet Faizal under my block and i've got to do forfeit for him. ishk. tak baik seyyy.

so yeah, i've participated in 6 different events right;

100m

200m

400m

4x100m Inter-House

4x100m Inter-CCA

High Jump

i only had heats on 100m and 200m and final for High Jump. i didn't manage to run for 400m as i was totally sick.

went for the High Jump first. guess what? i've got 2nd!!!! wow. i couldn't believe myself. i never thought i could get in the top three or receiving any trophies or medals. i was just participating for the Aquila's sake. Gosh! am i that good? LOL.

for 100m and 200m, i've got 1st. getting in the top three doesn't matter. it's the best timing that matters most.

everyone said i lack alot, i ran very slow and all the negative comments; including the Sports Leaders when i past through the ending point. eh hello, isn't getting 1st is already good rather than getting 1st from the last? God, some people are just so pathetic.

they never knew that i've been tolerating with my pains and i was actually uncapable in doing any runnings at all this morning. i was just too sick. thanks to that bloody Acap for his stupid drugs. hmph.

something terrible happened when i started to relax after all these stupid sports events.

i was pouring and shooting water using my water tumbler at Zul(Sec1).

he avoided it.

and guess what?

the water accidentally splashed at a Netball teacher in front of him!

and it's all my fault!!!!!!

man, was i so guilty and felt so irresponsible.

i was thinking about running away.

i jumped up.

then, before i started to run out of the stadium, i turned around to see what happened next.

the Netball teacher had already stood up and was looking around for the mischievious one, which, indeed, is ME.

i knew, i couldn't run away from this.

it'll be so irresponsible of me if i'd run away, right?

so i just apologized to the Netball teacher continuously.

she didn't utter a word.

she went to the back of the gallery.

i followed her.

i apologized sincerely again.

she said, she didn't want to talk about it. (DUH, SHE'S MAD AT ME!!!)

i offered myself to helping her getting some Kleenex to wipe off the water on her overalls.

she said, nevermind and don't bother to.

oh fuck. i didn't know what to do next. i just sat down quietly behind Faizal. everybody's imitating me on how i apologized at the Netball teacher. oh Gosh, it's so embarassing!

man, i'm the Vice-Captain here and yet i could do stupid stuffs. stupid Suraya Hani! hmph.

i could hardly walk. i felt so empty in my tummy. i hadn't eaten anything since last night and i vomitted a few times this morning, and still, didn't manage to get a breakfast as i was already late.i've got no more energy or stamina or anything. i'll be pleased if someone would like to carry me all the way back home. (wells, i think Faizal is capable of doing that. haha.)

i went to hang out with the good company (Faizal and his Brader Lup friends) instead of hanging out with the bad company (you-know-who-they-are). it wasn't that bad afterall. stupid Aizat took stupid videos and pictures of us, which was actually pretty annoying. but still, it's totally ludicrous. LOL.

oh anyways, things are getting better and better between me and Faizal. that's great somehow. but.....

not with Asyiq.

yes, i'm totally paranoid with him okay! he had been neglecting me all this while and i felt like a stupid abandoned girlfriend.

so yes, Asyiq and me had broke up. finally. sighhh.

so now, i feel so free to do whatever i want to do. no one can force me from doing anything. it's better if you're single, right? hah, better understanding! =)

and because of that stupid conversation with him, Bro saw what i typed; "HEY, I DONT SMOKE ANYMORE". oh great! this is what he wanted all this while right. bloody.

to be frank, i have not touch the cigarattes for a month already, which means i've already quit smoking.

plus, i don't hang out with the bad company anymore. i avoid hanging out with them cos they'll just bring troubles. and nanti, tak pasal2 kene heret gi DM lagi. innocent sak aku!

even if i'd go lepak-ing, i would only lepak with the good company. and do you know what i do actually? wells, i study! i finish up my assignments and do revisions!

for goodness sake, can he just watch what he's typing actually?!?!

this made me feel so fuck up man. hehmph.

my whole body aches now. guess i shall need a good night sleep. take care monkeys.

we just don't have chemistry and faith in ourselves.

and-- long-distance relationship just doesn't really work for cinta monyets like us.

2006-04-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

Friday 7 April 2006

so yes, i've been absent from school for two days already. i've got to go to the hospital. two different appointments with two different specialists; neurologist and dermatologist.

yesterday was the neurologist.
the pain's had been with me for a year already actually. the neurologist couldn't detect what exactly is wrong with my nervous system. so far she said it's migraine. i've got a migraine? fuck it. it takes months to exactly know what it is. so, i would need to go back to NUH every now and then.

wells, i'm just afraid it's gonna be something cancerous. hope so NOT. *cross finger*

so, the neurologist gave this Headache Diary where i would need to jot down stuffs whenever the pain attacks me. next appointment would be on my EL Paper II. Mid Year hor. damnnit.

this morning's appointment was with the dermatologist.
i don't think i'll need to go into details as it's not anything that severe except for the scars. the bruise, you know.

i wonder what's happening in school. hmm... i hope Shaqilah would stop hanging out with those bad company. lucks.

and oh yeahhhhh, i've got an advance birthday present from Dad already! it's a brown leather high-heeled shoes from Charles and Keith. it looks so fab! =)))))
will upload the picture of my new shoes together with the rest of the presents that i'm going to get next week. haha... macam tak tau malu plak. kiki. =P

by the way, Mom's birthday was on the 5th of April. Bro and me got her a silver ring with diamonds on it and a vintage necklace.
oh, she loved them anyways! she never thought we gonna give her presents. haha. Dad got her a new Renoma black handbag. cool.
and the funny thing was that Mom really believed my words. LOL.

oh, tomorrow's Sports Heat.
Faizal had just gave me a call just now. it's so sweet of him to come over to my place tomorrow morning just to go to the stadium together. so, most probably i'll be spending some time with him tomorrow at the stadium instead of hanging around with the bad company.

and wells, Faizal and me okay liao! haha. happy seyyy.

wokayys, wish me lucks kay! winks.

2006-04-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 4 April 2006

i guess i've made up my mind.

i agree with what Musa had suggested. yeah, about that transferring to St. Margaret. afterall, it's a good school, isn't it? plus, St. Margaret does offer RCY as one of their CCAs and they are particularly good at it. unlike like other UGs such as NPCC etc. so, let's say if i'm going to be transferred there, i can just continue with RCY right? wow, great!

wells, this idea just shot me in the morning when i was in the bus to school. i thought to myself, the school that i'm currently in isn't really a good school. it's a school where they call the "Mats-and-Minahs" school. just look at the tradition and whatsoever. the students don't seem to have their own personality and perspective of thinking.

say, when i'm old enough to find work and have to go for interviews, i'm sure the Manager (or whoever that would interview you) would ask, "What school were you from when you were in secondary school?"

and i'd say, "********* Secondary School, Sir,"

"Pardon? but i have never heard of that school before. blah blah blah..."

see, it's just gonna bring shame to you right? plus, the school isn't exactly a well-known school and it doesn't have any 'high standard' or anything in any prospect. especially about this particular stuff; my school that i'm currently in doesn't offer English Literature as one of their humanities subject! it's not fair!

there's just gonna be lots to say (negative parts) about this school that i'm currently studying. sighhh, i wish i'm able to talk this out to Dad and see what his decision is.

nanti, tak fasal-fasal pula, saya terpaksalah masuk Riverside. ha-ha.

oh and yes, to add on to the reasons, i just couldn't acquiesce the fact that i'd need to see these bloody monkeys and idiots. hmph.

the teachers and friends. =X

i just couldn't get any far if i continue to stay in this pathetic school. really. i'm not able to hold any responsibility or leadership or a role just because of someone. she had ruined my life, i guess. since Sec One okay! she thought i'm a bad girl like those on the streets. she judged me by the first impression. everything that i did are always wrong in her eyes. what's the matter with her? God, i'm trying to get my life now okay. i'm proving to her that i'm not exactly the type of person that she thinks i am. but whenever i tried to, she keeps pointing out my mistakes. she always proves me wrong. oh c'mon, nobody's perfect right? sigh.

when i was in Primary School, i always had the chance to be a role model and hold a responsibility like Chairperson in different categories etcetra. but look at me when i'm in Secondary School. i don't hold any responsibilities and i haven't got to the chance to be a role model. why? coz of HER.

i feel so fuck up. see, my life just won't going to get anywhere further, right?

heh. pathetic.

Sports Heat; postpone to Saturday 080406

i managed to have a trial and a few chances for High Jump. i didn't do quite well. i wasn't ready yet and i don't have anyone to support me. anyone special, i mean. you see, last year i had Zazal there to encourage and support me but not anymore. not anymore since he stepped out from my life.

i was trying hope on Asyiq now. but.... sigh...

i feel so fuck up with him right now. don't ask me why.

so anyways, there was once that i did a wrong method for High Jump. the pole hit me right in the ribs and it caused so much pain, and my arms are quite painful as i had hit it with the pole accidentally. then, the "thing" attacked me again but i managed to sort-of fight it away. God knows how it feels like.

so anyways, the hospital had rang yesterday to remind me about this Thursday's appointment at NUH. i won't going to attend to school for two days; Thursday and Friday. but i don't know if i'll be able to attend Farewell Party on Friday's evening. i wish i'll be able to. sighh.

i'm currently going nuts about guys. i don't know why but i've changed a lil' (maybe alot) since i was being abandoned by my own boyfriend.

can you please tell me if you really love me or not.

don't toy around with my feelings.

i love you so dear yet you're doing these to me.

you're just making me sick of you.

much more sick-er than i am right now.

i'm so fuck up.

2006-04-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

Saturday 1 April 2006

it wasn't a good conversation just now.

i simply loathe this new Fucker that i just knew. what the hell is wrong with him? now, he had pierced his left ear and he's making such a big deal over it. so what? i had more piercings than you lah idiot. i have three more piercings than you. big deal, right? heh.

he could still gertak me not to tell his sister about this or he'll never forgive me. what the fuck! this is totally bullshit, huh? why, you're afraid of your sister and your parents, eh? but hey, i thought you're Brader Lup? LOL. c'mon lah. you don't have to act like a big motherfucker with me okay! even though i know, i'm only a Secondary Two kid while you're a Secondary Four brother. heh.

you are supposed to keep the stud in your new piercedly ear for a few days; say three days. you are not supposed to remove the stud in one and a half day or the hole would only be a tiny one where an ant could barely crawl through it. eh hello, i'm a girl and i've gone through for a few piercings already and i knew everything okay. unlike you. this is your first time yet you already wanted to boast and brag about it. what's the big deal, huh?

piercings; just one of the few minor symptoms of one to being drifted away. that's my perspective.

(even Zharif wouldn't want to have one even though he drinks and smokes worst than Fucker. heh.)

the Fucker said, "fasal kita orang Melayu. orang Melayu ada cara."
so, an orang Melayu has its own cara right? and what about you? piercings are just what they called "mengikut orang Barat". hey, kita orang Melayu. kita ada cara kita tersendiri. tindik menindik bukanlah salah satu cara orang Melayu. itu adalah cara orang Barat ataupun orang India. so, are you an Indian then? i guess you are, with the fact that you're Black. or are u just a Nigga? LOL.

P.S. i'm not having a racist discrimination here but i'm just pointing out some important fators to that uneducated child. i'm really sorry if you think this is part of the racism thingy. i hope you consider this matter. thank you.

wanna bet with a Sec Two kid, huh?
i hope the school would organise a debate competition between Mohd Faizal and Suraya Hani. then, it'll be good. =))

you didn't believe when i told you about me taking those stuffs. ha-ha. it's all up to you lah idiot. you kept saying it was all crap. and what about you and your newly pierced ear? wasn't that a crap too? heh.

a minute ago i had to deal with this psycho kid who kept on bragging about his pierced tongue. and now, i've got to deal with a hypocrite motherfucker who bragged about his one and only pierced ear. sigh.

do you know why i call you a MotherFucker?
cos the fact that you act like one.

do you know how a MotherFucker act like?
a MotherFucker usually would act like a bloody big fuck and thinks he's the Man when he's not and he always looks down on people but never his own pathetic self.

got it MotherFucker? heh. get a life man.

who do you think you are to sound me if one day you see me with this rubbish attitude of mine?
eh hello, sedarlah sikit siapa diri anda itu sebelum tegur orang lain. sedangkan matair aku takde pape, die nak menyebok plak. cayang my Asyiq... muacks.

if you don't believe about that stuff, then go ahead, don't believe it uh. why do you need to tell me stuffs and act like a big MotherFucker? i mean, i know you are one but can you just get a life? pathetic Mohd Faizal.

so, you said that i've shown you my true characters? what are my true characters? oh cmon, say whatever you wanna say cos i'm sure my Darling trusts me and i have NEVER betray him before, right Asyiq?

and it's so obvious that you're just playing with fire. you actually wanted to hurt me right? the way you present youself and everything. hello?? i ain't that stupid to notice all these okay! i know i'm two years younger than you are but that doesn't mean that i have a lower IQ than you have. (the fact that i'd actually drink Dumex. hahaha.) heh. wanna bet again? go ahead. go and suggest to the organizers to have a debate between us and see who shall win. okay?

do this if only you have the nuts and the cork. no, my Science teacher said we must say all these in scientific names: so yeah, go ahead and do it if you have the penis. LOL.

oh poor Mohd Faizal. i'm sorry but it's too late for me to help you out with your stupid crappy attitude. but know what? you just don't seem to deserve any help from anyone. guess, you would need to remove that gigantic stone in your head and enormous ego in yourself first before you are being helped.

i'm sorry but there's thick chance for me to befriend someone like you. a stupid moronic idiotic Motherly-hypocrite-Fucker. you ought to be called a Masquerader. heh. good name i had for you, huh? oh, take it. don't be shy kiddo. heh.

wells, if you happen to read this entry about you and unhappy about it, feel free to ring or approach me cos i'd actually have a very big surprise for you. but before you try to ring or approach me, think first, think positively whether what you've been doing all this while are exactly the same like what i've mentioned in here or not.

oh yes, if you're still unhappy, feel free to get your own lawyer and we'll see in court.

which court do you think will our hearing be held?
wells, i think it'll be held at the Mahkamah Syariah. and yeah, don't forget to bring that Slut down as well to be on your side, huh? cos i'll need to have a word about her.

see ya then.
God bless you and hope God will change you back to the right path.
take care MotherFucker.

so ironic, huh? LOL.
he deserves it. =))

2006-03-31T19:24:00.000+08:00

Friday 31 March 2006

i've been dragged to the DM. what type of friends are they? hey, i'm bloodily innocent okay!

so yeah, he knows i smoked before. fine fine fine. whatever.

i just couldn't believe myself that i had actually betrayed my own members by revealing every single truth to the DM. what type of friend am i? tsk tsk.

and statements just suck alot.

she now realized her mistakes. good for her. i was glad to hear that she would like to change and insaf after seeing 16 strokes in front of her own eyes.

she apologized to me for neglecting me all this while. she anggaps me as her bestest best ever bestfriend. wow. that's amazing. i never thought she would think the same like i do. uh huh, she is my bestest best ever bestfriend. she would always be the first person to know my secrets and everything. she's always there for me.

and now, i'm always here for her. i'm helping her out to change to who she used to be.

i have already realized where i've gone wrong and i made myself a change. i have not touch the cigarattes for two weeks now. instead, i think, i'm going more rabak than before. nevermind about that.

it's all up to you to believe for yourself.

2006-03-29T20:12:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 29 March 2006

i've got a new geeky spec for now.

i know, it really look sucks but it'll be just a temporary since it's the doctor's request.

whatever.

2006-03-28T01:54:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 28 March 2006

i'm not going to school this morning. why?

cos of this stupid thing lah. it attacked me since yesterday and had made me feel so sickening. sigh.

anyways, yesterday was like a nightmare. i couldn't believe that i'd actually cried in front of the class. it was super embarassing. i know, my classmates gonna think i'm a cry baby for now. especially having that new student from Brunei. he doesn't know me well and duh, he would just think i'm a scamp or something. fuck up uh.

i just could tolerate the pain. it's just tooo painful. fuck fuck fuck.

now, i'm going to go back to sleep.
good morning. and happy schooling. =P

2006-03-25T15:34:00.000+08:00

Saturday 25 March 2006

i was being FORCED to go for the bloody Achievement Day this morning. just the fact that we needed the informations there for our Malay newsletter.

it wasn't really much to go into details. everything seemed so pathetic and boring.

first of all, i was greeted by the Fucker as the GOH when i strolled down the pathway to the concourse. that was crap, i supposed.

the whole speech was boring. i was just browsing through Teenage most of the time, and running around the hall.

and yeah, i did took a video of the Malay dance performing but somehow i'm having some troubles uploading the videos. bloody YouTube. sigh.

during lunch, i ate so full that i could feel my tummy would just going to bloat up and burst out anytime. LOL. and that bloody anorexic again. sighhhhh. i almost wanted to puke everything but kept holding back.

i never knew that Fucker memang actually tak tau malu. LOL. pictures of the NPCC.

met Shaqilah for some lepak-ing. but it was quite bored. so, we just went back home.

and now... i'm so bored to death!

2006-03-24T19:25:00.000+08:00

Friday 24 March 2006

today, the RC went to Sembawang Beach for the most ever-so-boring CIP.

there wasn't much to pick up as there were already a few schools which had arrived before us and picked the litters. good for us. nothing to do aight.

my leg hurts so much coz of that bloody bruise. bloody Zharif. he sent me home by his bike and the tyres of his bike had accidentally 'swept' past my leg and i had bad bruise on it. i couldn't even run for goodness sake! plus, the bruise had already turning from bad to worst. sigh.

so, i spent the day by lazying around the beach, watching the sea. it was really nice watching the sea without really had to think about my problems. except that i kept thinking about that Moron and Fucker. sigh.

what a waste! i should have brought along my digicam along so that i'll be able to take some pics of what i had drew on the sand. =)))

and yeah, i'll be representing RC in 4 x 100m relay in the Inter-CCA Relay on Sports Heat and Sports Day. wow. i've already taken so many events. the 100m, 200m, 400m, 4x100m and High Jump. excluding the Inter-CCA.

of course, i'll need my Acap to supply me by his support. LOL. you-know-what aight. heeeee.

i need a bath for now.

i feel so HOT! hurhur.

2006-03-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

Thursday 23 March 2006

something happened today.
something we never have predicted to happen had happened.

Atikah and Sulaiman had us (Ain, Shaqilah and me) to follow them to 125. they actually took on some drug habits. we were inquisitive, so we just followed them. plus, Atikah needed Ain's cellphone to contact her friends.

both of the idiots did something but we just relax one corner smoking cigarette after cigarette that my throat really hurts. i wished i would never going to smoke anymore.

the Sista Lup decided to hang out at 137. so, we suggested to go off. both of the idiots agreed to follow us back to 137. we were already in lift when Atikah still hadn't turun. Sulaiman went out and called her to come along with us but she insisted and asked us to wait for her at the lobby.

right there, i could already sensed something fishy about Atikah. she's holding on to Ain's cellphone. then, she asked us to go first. but why?

that is it! the Sista Lup kena buih sak dgn bdk sec one sial.

tak sampai 5 minutes, Ain and Shaqilah went up to the tenth floor to check on Atikah if she's okay or not as she was already 'dizzy' from all those drugs. and guess what? they said Atikah wasn't there!

and at that point of time, Lift A got stuck. we thought Atikah was trapped inside. we did our best to help her out by pushing and kicking the lift door, breaking the Fire Switch and ringing the 1800 thingy for help.

it took 45 minutes for the HDB agent to come. and know what? it happened to be an old man (an Apek) who was actually trapped in the lift. no Atikah. no nothing. fuck right?

darah sume up sak that time. Ain had already had tears in her eyes and down her cheek. so skrg nie, Atikah had already angkat Ain's cellphone. goddamnshit.

we tried ringing Ain's cellphone but Atikah refused to answer the phone. instead, she switched off the cellphone. more fucker right? sigh.

the four of us went all the way to tenth floor and checked every floor for that bloody moron but we weren't able to find her (except that we found Sampoerna. LOL.)

Ain didn't know what to do. she was afraid to tell her Mom that she had already lost her cellphone. we gave her many many suggestions. including me with my stupid idea of asking her to run away from home and she can stay over at my house for a few nights since i'm always lonely at home. LOL.

but she did went home though. =)) she lied to her Mom that her teacher had confiscated her cellphone but she did tell the truth to her sister. and soon, my Inbox was all full of her sister's messages. LOL.

i helped her alot i guess. i tried phoning some of Atikah's good friend and the Starhub as well.

i found out that that Moron had actually ran away from home. her cellphone is more advanced compared to Ain's. so, why must she take Ain's phone with her? know why?

coz she had ran away from home and would need money for her own survival, stupid! ada logic nye kan kan?

sighh.

okayys. i'm really tired for now. feeling so restless. guess i shall finish up my homeworks and off to bed.

nightie.

2006-03-21T23:29:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 21 March 2006

first of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MOHD FAIZAL B HAMZAH!

and yes, today was supposed to be our First Anniversary. but sigh, no no no.

just now in the evening, i was so desperate to meet him up that i got totally fucked up that he was still on the phone the second time i rang him. i wanted to pass his birthday present right this evening cos i won't be able to pass it to him tomorrow at school. (yes, i was absent today anyways.)

the reasons;

First- my friends would 'scold' me if they find out that i'd actually gave him a birthday present despite of what he had been doing to me all this while. they just wanted me to realise and not to be a stupid dumb girl yg boleh diperbodohkan si Sial tu.

Second- if i brought it to school and pass it to him in school, i'm sure he'll go around and brag that he had an Elmo from Suraya Hani. i don't want his friends to think that i'm still going nuts over him. HELLO?!?! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND ALREADY. ALOT BETTER THAN HIM. LOVE MY SAYANG ASYIQ.

so yeah, i finally went all the way to his block to meet him. we met up for only 5 minutes and i had to go back home already since i still haven't completed my assignments yet. Bro was furious that i went back home late again, at around 10.30pm.

yesterday, i had the bloody appointment at NUH.

i did attend school but was allowed to leave school earlier at 10.30am. i went back home first to rest for awhile and took cab to NUH with Dad and Mom accompanying me.

it was so prosaic sitting at the Waiting Area for a few hours. imagine, my appointment was schduled at 1.30pm. first, i had to go for the Vision Screening Test. then, had to wait for half an hour to see the doctor. the doctor checked my pupils etcetra. she put on some bloody solutions into my eyes and this blue-coloured thingy had to touch my eyes in order to get all the informations. stupid right? then, i was told to wait outside. i was getting all dizzy from the lights and solutions that had entered my eyes. my vision went all blurry and i couldn't see anything. i almost went black out and puke, but didn't.

after an hour waiting, i had to go and see the doctor again. i was told to change my spectacle's lenses. then, i also need to see the neurologist and dermatologist next week. sigh.

what is actually wrong with me that i've got to see these two monkeys specialists? sigh.

so, i managed to obtain two days MC. great. =))

we finally left the building at around 7pm.
see, from 1.30pm to 7pm. how long did it take! Gosh!

then we went to Causeway Point for shopping.

i was actually missing him then. bloody hell. shouldn't have missed him actually y'know.

anyways, this is the Elmo. LOL!

cute, isn't it? LOL.

hmph! i wish i have one for my own self. hehe. =P

2006-03-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

Sunday 19 March 2006

i was really being desperate to get him a birthday present last night. i asked Bro's permission to go out and yes, he allowed me even though it was already almost 9pm.

i still don't understand myself why on earth must i get him a birthday present despite of all the heart-breakening things that he had done to me all this while. why am i so stupid? sigh.

i quickly dressed up and out at around 9pm. i knew what to get for him. that plushy Elmo which he's been longing to have one. he went all green when his sister had one. LOL.

so yeah, i went straight into Kiddy Palace and got him the plushy Elmo. i was thinking about getting him an Elmo pacifier as well, but i think there's no point of me getting him that. right?

i finally reached home at around 10+pm.

and i went out again to meet Zharif and went for riding around Admiralty. only to reach home at 11pm.

sighhh.what the hell is wrong with me now?

afterall, i think, i wasn't actually enjoying my March holidays;

first day of the week, i was hurt by him.

then, i couldn't get over the saddened things.

later, i had some friendship problems with my dearest bestfriend and friends which last for 3 days.

and, i spent most of the time talking on the phone with someone who i'd actually hate.

plus, i still had to go to school for some bloody IPW projects. excluding the tutorials and projects.

sigh. pathetic life i've got here. double sighs.

and i feel like like an abandoned girlfriend again. sigh. i ponder... doesn't he love me?

God knows.

2006-03-15T21:18:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 15 March 2006

i'm still mourning and sad over what had happened on Monday but i still had to cheer myself up as i was being forced to go out with my girlfriends today.

i just couldn't get over the feeling. saddened by his love and changes in himself. i just missed the old him but i'll never going to love him anymore cos i have my Asyiq now and Asyiq means so dear to me now. and i really love Asyiq.

so yeah, the Sista & Brader Lups had an outing today. to the swimming pool at Jurong. at first, it started off quite well. we swam for more than 10 laps around the Lazy River and we totally loved the Waves which i almost drowned myself cos the waves were too high for me. and of course, we really loved the slides!

thanks to dear Shaqilah for the rents. =))

we had been swimming in the pool for five hours and my limbs had started to feel weak. i'm afraid i couldn't swim anymore and i would going to drown myself. plus, i've promised Dad that i'll be back home at around 5pm or 6pm. if not, i won't going to get anymore freedom. so, i urged them to go back home but they just seemed couldn't be bothered. sigh.

i was really frustrated that moment that i walked up to the Deep Pool and got the locker key from Hazilah and stomped all the way to the changing room. i actually wanted to leave them but what would they say right. so i waited impatiently with frustration for them to get ready. they took a bloody long time just to get ready and i guess they did this on purpose. bloody hell.

i even followed them to KFC so that we could still go back together. they were walking damn slow that i hurried quickly past them and walked by myself at the carpark and out from the sports centre. Shamyah caught up with me and walked with me all the way to the MRT station. i was thinking about waiting for them there but they were far behind. so, we just took the trains and the journey to Woodlands took 20 minutes only. (rather than taking bus earlier on...hmph! stupid Aiman's idea.)

and finally i was home at around 6+pm.

i realized... i've turned quite dark already. i had sunburn and sun-tanned all over my body. just the bikini outline was left un-sun-tanned. but hey, i wore the swimming costume which had short sleeves and shorts till the thigh (i'm very bad at describing, i know). everyone had noticed i'm darker now. Mom had suspected that i actually went swimming i guess cos she saw my swimming costume hung on the railing in the bathroom. damnit.

i'm being a psycho now i guess.

i'm still saddened over what had happened.

Gosh, why am i so stupid, huh?

stupid idiotic me.

and now, Dear would think i've betrayed him when i'm not.

sigh.

i love you, Asyiq.

2006-03-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

Monday 13 March 2006

Afiqah, Izzati and me were chosen to attend this lanch of Kelab Obor this morning from 8am to 11am which was held at Bedok View Secondary School. the launch was actually nothing. not that really important i guess. it just seemed so formal and prosaic.

here's some pictures that we took... (and err, most of pictures taken had orbs on it. i don't know why but i've edited the pictures so the orbs couldn't be seen. =))

Izzati. Afiqah. Suraya Hani.

the teachers that had accompanied us all along; Cikgu Nuri and Cikgu Mus.

the reporters wannabes. LOL.

the members of Kelab Obor. =))

and after the launch had ended, the three of us went separate ways; Afiqah meeting her boyfriend, Izzati meeting Warda and me, meeting Zazal.

i totally have no idea how the fuck i finally ended up going out with Zazal. dear, if u read this, i'm so sorry that i went out with a guy that i used to love without your permission. i'm deadly sorry dear. i really am. it's all up to you if you gonna hate me forever. but, maybe you don't know this, but.. i still love you dear.

i waited for a bloody 30 minutes at City Hall Station for him. i don't understand why he took such a long time to reach City Hall. then, we were supposed to meet at the last cabin platform. he waited for me at the first cabin platform. he called me and i told him i would go over to the first cabin platform. he told not to but i insisted. at last, he went over to the last cabin platform and i went over to the first cabin platform and we didn't manage to bump into each other along the way. so, i went back to the last cabin platform and he went back to the first cabin platform. he called me and asked me to go up and meet him there. what the hell! complicated huh?

the first few minutes was awkward. we didn't know exactly what to say. he asked me questions mostly regarding about my life after he stepped out from my life. he was inquisitive about mine, and so was i but it just seemed really hard for us to ask questions. i could feel that.

Shaqilah insisted to hear our conversation through my headset which i had to hang it around my neck, looking like a stupid idiotic moron. funny thing.

we walked through the aisles in Marina Square and went crazy when we stepped into Kiddy Palace. bored with Marina Square, we went out to walk at Millenia Walk after i received an SMS from dear Shaqilah (she gave me an idea where to sit around so that we could have some talk among ourselves but i couldn't seem to notice the place that she described. too bad.)

we went into Harvey Norman. we acted like a stupid couple who gonna get married soon. this part was a bit funny at first. we acted like as if we wanted to buy the bed and the furnitures for our so-called new home. LOL.

we got a bit sesat there. we kept walking and out of the blue, we realized that we were heading towards Suntec City Convention Hall. i was like thinking, what the hell are we going to do there? LOL. but i just kept the comment to myself and continued walking and into the Convention Hall.

down the escalator, we saw men and women in black suits while US, in MARSILING SEC UNIFORMS. LOL LOL! the place seemed like we're in the MIIB 3. LOL.

i asked him to act like nothing happen and that we're not lost. so we kept walking and there, we're in Suntec City don't-know-what-the-hell. lol. the atmosphere was getting stodgy between us. he was getting a lil' restless as he was kinda late for his soccer match which gonna start at 4pm (which was about 45 minutes before 4pm). he decided that we shall leave for Woodlands. i agreed to.

along the way out, i noticed the Directory Board and went over to check out if there's any ToyRus store. that store is our all-time-favourite and he was actually desperate to look around for Elmo. he's so in love with Elmo since the first time we went to the mall last year. voila, i was jumping up and down like a crazy lil kiddo to found out that Suntec actually have a ToyRus store!

i walked so fast that i left him behind. i think he must have thought i was really a crazy kiddo. LOL.

when we stepped into the store, i was really being hyperactive and hyperexcited. i couldn't bide to see the new collection of Barbie they had. i ran up the aisle like a stupid irratating kiddo just to see those new collection of Barbie, leaving him behind again (and he had to look for me. it was like as if we were playing Hide-and-Seek with each other or he's being my Papa. LOL.).
and duh, he was, again, desperate for his ELMO!!!

but too bad, there wasn't a single Elmo or any Sesame Street's plushy toys. that store wasn't really a great one and so, we left the building.

it was my idea to take bus home. so, we had to pioneer for the bus stop but i had forgotten which one was it. ended up, we had to walk around and around Marina Square and Millenia Walk etc. we were totally lost but i didn't go panicking as.... nvm.

and finally, intuitive Zazal found the way to the bus stop (padahal he never came or hang around there before. unlike like me. heee.). so, thanks to Zazal... who saved the day!!!! *claps + PPG theme song* LOL!

in the bus, Zazal seemed alot more restless than before and his cellphone keeps beeping etc. his pestiferous friends were being like such a bitch. sigh. and the journey took an hour. bloody hell.

upon reaching North, i, out of the blue, cried in .......

first reason: i felt so sad that we gonna be separated and had to act like strangers, worst; enemies, when we're in school or when we have our friends around us.

second reason: the happy day gonna end soon. no more laughter of him (erm, of us).

third reason: there won't going to be any chance for us to meet up like this and have fun etc.

fourth reason: i gonna miss him.

fifth reason: i'll have to get back to my life. my LONELY life without him. (but i know, Asyiq is still here with me)

sixth reason: i won't going to have my Doctor Zazal around me when i'm unwell.

seventh reason: life's gonna get harder without him by my side.

eighth reason: i'll be betrayed by him again.

ninth reason: i hate the fact that we're nothing anymore.

tenth reason: when my "... " attacked me out of sudden that it really hurt me so much.

he did sent me home. but halfway thru only. i didn't do my usual routine; the Combo Kiss (our so-called I-LOVE-YOU code). i used to do that when we were still together last time. but not anymore, of course you idiot. are u crazy?! i now belonged to someone else!

i quickly uploaded the MP3 songs from Cine's MP3 player so that i'll be able to pass it to Izzati later in the evening. just a few minutes i got home, i had to go out again to Izzati's to meet her and pass the MP3 player to her. i followed her to 888. i had two earphones stucked in my ear with the emo songs blaring out into my ear drums. i barely could hear anything except for the music, and i almost got hit by a cab in front of us. luckily, the cab pulled up just in time and thanks to Izzati for shouting my name. phew~ i was actually still thinking about him and how much i already missed him. God knows everything. sigh. i wish i could have him back in my life. i wish i wish.

once i reached home again, i cried and wailed for two hours. i just missed him so much. i missed us being together. i missed everything about us. i'm just afraid that there won't gonna be a chance for us to be back again like before. =(((

things won't going to get any better without Azie being there for me. thanks alot Azie. i love you dear! smuackies!

i can only think about him and nothing else.
God, can someone please help me to erase him outta my mind?

BIG ENORMOUS GIGANTIC MISTAKE! i shouldn't have gone out with him today actually. if not, things won't going to get worst like this.

STUPID STUPID ME.

and now, my boyfriend gonna think i betray him. oh please darling, believe me, i still love you darling. i hope you're not going to be disappointed when you read this entry. i'm really sorry. i'll do anything just for you darling. i love you, Asyiq. muacks.

i suck BIG time.

2006-03-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

Friday 10 March 2006

what can be more than sorry?

i don't know what's really up with me. i seemed not to be myself anymore nowadays. i'm just like a lil' hypocrite next-door. like a copyrighter who doesn't have its own originality. like a fucking bitch who doesn't solicitude other people's feelings.

i know, i'm a fucking bitch.

thank-youuuu.

say, yesterday.

i didn't realise my mistakes not until Shaqilah told me about how Zharif felt after what i did to him all this while. i felt really sorry that i cried during MT class (FYI; Shaqilah's MT lesson was combined with mine). i got up, walked up to Sparkx and asked for his cellphone. i really needed to call Zharif on that spot. i really needed to apologise to him.

and so, Zharif agreed to turun to 123 to meet us since he didn't attend school yesterday. instead of feeling more sorr-ier to see him, i sparred with him. my girlfriends joined along too. we bashed him like crazy. haha. know why?

coz it's his birthday TODAY!so he's gotten an early birthday bash. gee!~

see, how mean i am.

in fact, not only mean but like-a-guy aight. Gosh...!

and today...

Shamsiah and Shaqilah had planned to skip RC this afternoon, and so i agreed to join them along. we stayed at 137 till it was almost 3pm, planning where to go; City Hall or Bugis.

it was almost 3pm when we saw two of our ICs walked up to us out of the blue. i thought it was just nothing and she didn't seem angry. but i was wrong. she was practically yelling at us and i was eventually had a stick of lighted cigarette in between my index and middle fingers. she told us off to go back to school and we were given only five minutes to change into PT and to go to 2M5 (my class)'s classroom.

everyone was there; the Sec 2 cadets, Sec 3 cadets, Sec 4 cadets and the seniors. we were told to make a fool out of ourselves in front of the classroom. she shouted at us, fucking every words from her heart. i accepted every word that she said. but not the other senior.

i just couldn't accept whatever that bloody senior said. who the hell does she think she is to say out MY PROBLEMS right in front of all those cadets?!?!!! i just hate the fact that she always acts like a big motherfucker. hmph!

i was almost brought to the DM for the smoking thingy but i was lucky with the help of my dear senior(s). thanks hor. *winks*
was given another last chance. if not, i'll be sent to DM. goddamnshit.

i don't know what's next.

i don't know whether i'm going to change for good or bad.

but whatever she said just now, it doesn't seem to go into my head.

it just seemed to go into my right, and out from my left.

what the fuck is wrong with me?!

I JUST DON'T KNOW.

2006-03-08T21:36:00.000+08:00

Wednesday 8 March 2006

i've just got a haircut.

i think i look like a ghost. perhaps, an Ah-Lian. hurhur.

Hazilah and me went for a mini-shopping spree this afternoon. it wasn't that bad afterall. finally i've got myself a Roxy tee! =P

i'm not really in a mood to blog for now. i've still got tons of homeworks to do. so, gotta go.

see ya.

2006-03-07T20:24:00.000+08:00

Tuesday 7 March 2006

i was supposed to go to Zharif's house to upload songs from his computer but was cancelled. so as usual, after school hang around at the same usual place.i was feeling rather high after smoking a few sticks. it was a great day though.

Zulaikha boarded the bus and asked me something as she was walking up the aisle. i asked why. she read me a few messages from her Inbox. i was freaking shock to hear those messages. i asked her who sent those messages even though i knew who the hell the person was.

i was just too inquisitive that i snatched the phone from her and read her Inbox. it was the Fucker. his messages read, "... no one can replace suraya in my heart...", "... deep in my heart i still love her...", "...*the slut* was only a crush..." etc.

i was speechless. i didn't know what to say. finally, i ended up confessing every little truth to Zulaikha. Both Hazilah and we were so touched by his messages. i just couldn't believe it that he actually still loves me. i thought he's drifted away with that Slut. but from what i knew through Zulaikha, she said that he just wanted to lepaskan that Slut. and i went on like.... eeeeyerrrr... LOL.

however, i'm so in love with Asyiq right now. there's no way for me to busted my own boyfriend that i love so much. right?

you were the one who left me you idiot.

there's no way i'll be yours again.

2006-03-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

Monday 6 March 2006

i skipped my last counselling session this afternoon for i had to attend this filming technique session which ended at around 3pm. after that bloody thingy, Ain & Zharif ajak me lepak turun Tekong together with Anisah.

i couldn't believe myself that i actually managed to jatuhkan Zharif when i sparred with him. pretty embarassing for a guy to be dijatuhkan by a girl huh.

Ain and Anisah had to go back home. we left Tekong at around 5pm and i was too tired to walk all the way back home alone from there. sigh.

guess i shall vow to myself not to go there again and stop hanging out with bad company coz they have bad influence on us.

and i miss my darling soooooooooo much!!!

2006-03-05T17:38:00.000+08:00

Sunday 5 March 2006

even though it's Saturday and it's a no-CCA day, i still had to go to school for the National Footdrill Competition which was held at Bendemeer Sec. luckily the school provided a transport or we would have to go there ourselves which means i've got to get up earlier. heee.

oh yes, i was just a supporter and a photographer. LOL. ;)

our school had a re-match.

the first round was impressive.

but not the second round; the re-match.

it wasn't impressive.sigh.

and so, our school didn't go for the Finals.

and this is the video of the second round.

i had some misunderstandings with Shaqilah when we left the school. it was horrendous. i tried my best not to cry when i went back to the school to meet my seniors. but still, i ended up crying in the MRT to Dhoby Ghaut and at the platform. how embarassing! i was being COA. if only you know what COA stands for... LOL.

we went to Plaza Singapura to have lunch there at McDonalds but i had no appetite to eat. ah yes, we saw some performances done by the bikers. cute cute lahhh!~

the cute bikers performing.

Shaqilah. chairman of MSL RCY. me.

Azie. Farah. Aisyah. me. Aishah. Shaqilah.

Aishah. Azie.

our shoes. guess which is mine?

Maizurah. me. Azie. Aishah.

we were thinking about going to Bugis but somehow, we ended up going to Northpoint since i was so desperate to get Zharif a birthday present.

oh and yes, the ladies seemed to be our studios. nyehahaa!

me. Azie.

me. Maizurah. Azie. Aishah.

Maizurah. Azie. me. Aishah.

Azie. me. Shaqilah. Aishah.

Maizurah. Shaqilah. Azie. me. Aishah.

Azie. Maizurah. Aisyah. Aishah. Shaqilah.

Shaqilah. Aishah. Aisyah. Maizurah. me.

Aishah. Shaqilah. Aisyah. me.

Shaqilah. Aishah. Suraya Hani.

we headed to the arcade. Shaqilah and me played the Para Para Dance (or whatever it called) with the help of the seniors. LOL. it was fun though. and the seniors played the motor thingy and the acrhery. LOL. best best.

we were running out of money (not exactly), so we went into the Print Club and took photos using my digicam. we acted like we wanted to use the photo machines there but we actually didn't! LOL. we were enjoying ourselves and SS-ing when my digicam's battery went flat. bloody camera.

and this is what my digicam produced...

it was around 6pm when we took 856 back to Woodlands. Musa wanted to meet me at Causeway Point at around 7pm. and so, i agreed to.

he finally arrived at 7.45pm. we went searching for birthday presents for his friends.

later, we decided to go all the way to Marina Square to print some pictures from thumbdrive and memory cards.

we reached City Hall at around 9.30pm and had to rush all the way to Marina Square, pushing people out of our ways. we were kinda disappointed to see that the photo shop had already closed. so, we just went for some window-shopping and finally left the mall at 10.30pm and took 961 from there back to Woodlands and only to reach home around midnight.fortunately, Dad didn't give me a lecture for going back home late at night. gee!

and oh, i still had to go madrasah just now even though i'm still so exhausted and sleepy due to lack of sleep.

wokayys. i wanna sleep for now. night.

2006-02-25T21:45:00.000+08:00

Saturday 25 February 2006

CROSS COUNTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok best. i don't know how to begin.

Shamy and me went to Woodlands MRT to meet the rest. they went off first, leaving Ain and me waiting for slow-tortoise Shaqilah. we took the train to Yio Chu Kang and had to go back to Ang Mo Kio to meet the guys. took the bus from Ang Mo Kio to MacRitchie Reservoir. the bus was fully packed with us, especially the guys from 3L2.

we were late when we reached MacRitchie and had to report. Aziemah went up to Shaqilah and me if we would like to do duty, and so i agreed to do duty rather than cleaning up the place after the event. Shaqilah was supposed to do duty but she preferred to run. i actually wanted to run too, but since we were late and had to serve the punishment, heh, no thanks then.

and bloody Zharif lied to me. he said he's not coming yet he came just now! hmph!

i never know that Choir actually trains their singers for long-distance runnings. heh.and never could i ever expected that Slut to get first in place. it was funny to me; and my friends. soon, we were gossiping about her. nyehaha!

the guys didn't bother to serve the punishment. they just went off and we left MacRitchie Reservoir for Jurong East Swimming Complex.

4 Sec 2s and 12 Sec 3s had became a great big family together today. (with 5 couples. LOL.)
took the double-decker bus from MacRitchie to Ang Mo Kio MRT station (we had the upper deck all to ourselves and made lotsa noise. gereks.). then alight at Jurong East MRT station and continued to Chinese Garden MRT station. and we walked all the way to Jurong East Swimming Complex from Chinese Garden.the whole journey to the swimming complex was great and lovely. =)

wokayys. this is my first time swimming at Jurong. i had never swam there before. LOL.

only Adelyn and me were swimming. Wahidah, Ain and Shaqilah were "sun-tanning". LOL.

and the guys, of course!, they were swimming too.

i just sticked to Zharif throughout in the swimming pool.

and haha, Adelyn and me continued swimming despite been given three warnings from the life guard that we were not allowed to swim in SCHOOL T-SHIRTS. bloody hell.

luckily i had my sports bra on for swimming and had an extra one after swimming. LOL.

finally, we left the swimming complex at around 3pm with everyone's having their 'moodies' on. including me.

the journey back home was suck. i fought with Zharif over a stupid silly thing and it spoilt everything. sighh.

we alighted at Marsiling but Zharif and me took the train again back to Woodlands. we were silence all the way to Woodlands Bus Interchange. guess i turned him down. sighh.

and i went back home alone with a stupid look pasted on my face.

it was such a memorable day.

what a waste i didn't bring my digicam along and i spoilt the great family day into a horrendous day. sighh.

2006-02-24T22:55:00.000+08:00

Friday 24 February 2006

i attended the BGR thingy this afternoon; and i told the teacher counsellor and the rest who were there about my complicated life right now. i don't know uh. ppl must have thought negatively towards me for now. sigh.

i felt like i'm just an abandoned girlfriend left on my own to survive. i just don't seem to make the right choice now. could someone out there please help me without discriminating me? i need the way out from my problems.

i AM a very bad influence, aight? oh God, i just realized that i did something really silly. i shouldn't have smoked in front of her. goddamnit, and now she's asking me how to smoke and everything to do with smoking. oh God, what have i just done? stupid me. bloody Suraya Hani.

i was a lil' late for RC just now. who cares? i had my light duty MC from doctor. so, i was practically sleeping thru out the SFA about X-country tomorrow. LOL. it was syiok babeh. heee. :P

i woke up and Sheila told me that Zharif was looking for me. i was given five minutes to the canteen and searched for Zharif, and he was at the central square playing soccer. gee! my hair was messy and i had that just-woke-up face. LOL. we sat at the McDonalds table and talked to each other for a while when the NPCC Sec 4 squad came and had their footdrill right in front of us. gah, that bloody Fucker was there and he saw us! LOL.

and just now, the Fucker SMS-ed me; "i was wondering.are u attached?tell me e truth." till now, i still haven't reply yet. i don't know what i shall reply. an insult or just the truth? i don't know.

uh, gie mati sua dgn die. step mane nyer big fuck tah. lek sua.

missing my Asyiq badly.

oh, tomorrow's Cross Country and i shall sleep early tonight.

sweet dreams!

2006-02-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

Thursday 23 February 2006

so much for the CT I. sigh.

i'm so sure i just gonna score badly for the papers due to lack of practice and revision. sighh. i wished i could turn back the clock and start revising all over again; but it's too late for me to regret now. :(

but i will study hard and do better for Mid-Year. hopefully. :))

today was pathetic yet fun.

i had been crying since MT lesson (which was the last two periods) and during Geography paper. i was such an idiotic stupid childish kindergarten kid crying over something kinda silly. i cried right in front of the invigilators; MT classmates; my classmates; the whole Sec 2 kids; and everyone. it was really stupid but i just couldn't bear the pain anymore. the stupid bloody infection lah. it was hurting me so much and i really needed my medicine badly.

after the paper had ended, Izzati accompanied me to see doctor. we rushed all the way to Woodlands Polyclinic since it was near the school plus, i only left with 20 cents. thanks Izzati for accompanying me and paying my medical bill! love u loads. <333>

and yes, we met Zharif there. funny thing, we had the same room and the same doctor but he went in first before me. LOL. he was being such a nuisance while waiting for our turns to see doctor. he kept provoking and tickling me in the tummy. i didn't feel bored at all coz we kept provoking each other and i didn't even feel the pain anymore after seeing that monster. nyehaha!

Izzati went back home, leaving Zharif and me on our own. he ajak lepak and i brought him to Fushan Garden since it was somewhere near my house that time. and something happened.... (Khalis saw! bloody him!) nevermind, i don't think i would need to go into details about it. ;)

and it was so sweet of him to walk me back home. heee. :))

and then.... *drum rolls* Zharif asked me something! :X

Asyiq's neglecting me too much. at first, i did understand the situation when he couldn't call me every night and meet me. it's been almost three weeks now, i think, that we still haven't meet up. he just got so carried away with his activities and friends that he forgets about me.

and our one month anniversary as well!

yesterday was our one month anniversary and he didn't even bother to give me a call or something. he must have forgotten about it i think. sigh. it's quite hurtful if ur own lover forgets something which is very important to u; like an important date e.g. ur birthday or anniversary etc.

Asyiq still hasn't call me since last week! bloody boyfriend. hmph. :((

my love for you seems to fade away...

2006-02-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

Monday 20 February 2006

my appointment at the NUH this afternoon was cancelled again. this is the third time Dad re-schduled my appointment. sigh.

this week would be a very busy week for me as i would be having my Common Test till Thursday. sat for EL Paper 1 and Maths paper just now. somehow, i didn't not managed to complete my composition. guess i'm not going to achieve better grade for EL. Maths paper was actually easy but i just couldn't do it. i couldn't focus and concentrate on the paper. i was just so nervous. guess i'm going to fail my Maths really badly. sighh.

gonna have Science and MT tomorrow; English Literature on Wednesday and Geography on Thursday. so i won't be going online or updating my entries till Thursday. it's a rush for me. i still have so many things to catch up on and i'm very far left behind in my studies. i'm just so confident that i won't going to do well for my Common Test I. sighhh.

currently missing Asyiq. hope he's doing well for his CT as well. good luck dear!

and good luck to the ppl out there who's sitting for CT! :P

see ya!

2006-02-19T16:41:00.000+08:00

Sunday 19 February 2006

it's just another good way of making friends. really.

yesterday was fun yet tiring. Shaqilah and me went for OA (Outdoor Activities) at RC Campsite which is located at Kembangan (it's actually a stupid damn place know.). we were 10 minutes late when we reached the campsite. it wasn't the fact that we got lost but it was because of the whole stupid journey. it was a long journey from Woodlands though.

Shaqilah's fucking. nyehaha.

it was great making friends from other schools from different parts of Singapore. they're friendly and lion-hearted and super damn nice.

it actually started off quite boring and i was sleepy the moment i settled down. we were then spilt into eight different groups.

first group, which i was in, had to go for the bloody so-called Geography lesson, learning about the maps. then, we learned about knots and lashings. soon, it was lunch time and we had to cook ourselves. we had instant Maggi noodles and everything. wells, i really loved our lunch. it was really nice, especially the steamed egg which we mixed together with the Maggi's seasonings. the raw veggies were nice (better than Mom's somehow. hee.). just too much to mention about the food. LOL. after lunch, we were being insulted by the instructors for using the spoons to do the solid fuels, which later we also used the same spoons for eating. LOL. disgusting right? but what to do, that's how OA looks like aight?

we did some revisions and had our tests; theory and practical. had a break while the instructors were marking and grading our papers. and so, of course, i would always go crazy with my darling digicam. heeee. =P

me. Adeline from Regent Sec.

Adeline from Regent Sec. Vanessa from SCGS.

me. Adeline. Vanessa.

we then had some footdrill trainings followed by this challenging game that we had to walk and balance ourselves on a thick rope, tied at each ends. it was easy for me. *chuckles*. and yes, the announced of the test. so, guess what?

I PASSED the damn bloody test!!!!

then, right there, i just realized that i didn't have my bottle with me. shitto. i knew why. June was in a hurry when she left so she had mistaken my bottle for hers. we had the same Nike blue-colour bottle, but i have my name at the bottom. so, most probably, next week, i guess i'll be meeting her somehwere near Bukit Panjang to get our bottles back. heeee. troublesome man. LOL.

finally we were dismissed at around 6+pm. i missed everyone, especially my group members. somehow, we did take the effort to exchange numbers and MSNs to keep in touch with one another. and yesssssssssss, i'll be coming back for my Silver somewhere in June or July! i can hardly wait!!!! =))))

poor darling Shaqilah. she was unwell throughout the whole workshop. after the so-called Geography lesson, she was sent to the Sick Bay and she bloodily slept for an hour or so and woke up just in time for lunch. plus, she didn't have to cook lunch. the instructors gave her their lunch which was spaghetti. its so not fair! hmph. =(she's still having a very high fever. hmm... hope she has gone to see the doctor already.

before taking the MRT back to Woodlands, we hang around at Cheers and had some snacks there as i was totally starving. heee.

me. Fathiah from Sembawang Sec.

our reflections. haha. certainly i was crazy at that moment. heh.

and finally i reached home at around 9pm. i hope darling Shaqilah's okay by now. i did send her home last night though. but up till the interchange only coz the bus came with the stupid E which i can't take. bloody hell. sighh.

take care dearies.
love ya!!! <333.